Resurrection
by LadyDeb1970
Summary: In the days after the ending of the Eve Wars, a family discovers a battered Gundam, and its equally battered pilot: Zechs Merquise.
1. Default Chapter

Among the Rubble  
  
Author's Notes: The usual disclaimers apply here. The GW characters, in particular Zechs, don't belong to me. The Malloy family are totally my own creation. These two stories were the first in a series, which take place after the final episode of Gundam Wing, and before 'Endless Waltz.' and chronicle what happened to Zechs in that year.  
  
It began, as it sometimes will, perfectly innocently. Talia and Shawn Malloy were scavengers, flying through space in their own piece of junk, trying to scavenge enough spare parts from dead ships to keep their own vessel in working order. And while neither Talia nor Shawn believed in war, neither could deny that with the massive destruction of the most recent war was beneficial to them.  
  
And the destruction of the Libra could keep them in spare parts for several years. To be quite crude about it, it was the equivalent of hitting the lottery. Sure, not all parts would be salvageable, but that wasn't the point. They would finally be able to stop being scavengers. The couple debated long and hard about whether or not they would go to the site of the rubble field, just outside the Earth's atmosphere.  
  
But a scant day after the climactic final battle, the husband and wife journeyed to the rubble field. One never knew what might be found floating around in space. During the years she knew Shawn Malloy and his twelve year old daughter Ciara, Talia found the most amazing things. But this run would prove the most extraordinary of all.  
  
As Talia cut the engines, Shawn murmurered, "Now this can't be right. I was watching the final battle between the two Gundams, as well as the explosion of that last block. Nothing should have even remained intact." Talia satisfied herself that the engines were no longer running, then went to her husband's side. Ciara was asleep, would probably sleep for another few hours. It was just them for right now.  
  
"What do you have?" she inquired, putting her hand on his shoulder, then glanced at the display which held his rapt attention. She scanned the information which was scrolling across, and her eyes widened. She looked at him and said, "That's impossible."  
  
"I know. . .I know. But according to this, there's a life form inside that thing. Tal, we have to get whoever it is. The battle was yesterday, and the life support is probably dwindling," Shawn said, turning to look at her. The young woman rolled her eyes. She was thirty, but there were times when Shawn still thought she was the teenaged girl he and his first wife Elene rescued thirteen years earlier. However, she didn't comment on it. It wasn't worth her energy.  
  
"I agree. . .but we have to be careful. That thing isn't even a full Gundam, and it's big. What about the Mech Suits we rebuilt? It has enough oxygen for one person to make the trip, and whoever remains can reel both back in," Talia observed. She and Shawn found spare parts from destroyed Mobile Dolls during this last war, and built their own Mech Suits, for the more delicate parts of their job. Like hooking up the torso of a Gundam and bringing it inside the ship, although this would be a first for the husband and wife.  
  
"All right, I'll go," Shawn said. Talia started to protest, and Shawn reminded her, "You're better with the controls than I am. If you stay here, we all have a better chance for survival. I'll hook the cables to what's left of that, and you can reel it in. Besides, Ciara may be my daughter, but she seems more secure with you right now."  
  
Talia fell silent, conceding this point. But her silence lasted only a moment, as she added, "Be careful, Shawn. Ciara still needs you. She's already lost one parent. . .it would destroy her if she lost you as well." Talia lost both parents. She knew what she was talking about. Shawn just smiled fondly and kissed her forehead. She could have been his sister, rather than his wife. But Talia was used to it.  
  
"I know," he replied, "but right now, that kid, whoever he is, needs help. I'll raise you on the com system if I need help." Talia had a pretty good idea who was in that suit. . .she followed the various factions during the course of the war, saw the shifting allegiances, if only in the changes in design. She knew the players.  
  
Shawn smiled at her one more time, then strode to the cargo hold, where the Mech Suits were kept. Talia stared after him for a moment, then turned her attention back to her work. The display told her that the Gundam pilot was still alive, though just barely. The vital signs were steadily getting weaker. It occurred to her that she should make sure the med-kit was out. There was no telling how severe his injuries were.  
  
"Mom? Why's Daddy going to the hold?" Ciara asked, entering the cockpit. The girl gaped when she saw the torso of the Gundam. She looked at Talia, then at the Gundam, then back at Talia. She said, "Mom, that's a Gundam. The Gundam in the battle yesterday, I was watching it on the monitor, the one which didn't come out when the Libra exploded!" Talia went to her step-daughter and put both arms around her.  
  
"I know, honey. Listen, I didn't think you would be up for another few hours, but since you are. . .why don't you help me by finding the med- kit? We don't know how badly he was injured when the Libra blew up," she suggested, kissing the girl's soft hair. It was neither brown nor blonde, but a mixture between. Just like her parents. . .or rather, she had a mixture of her father's eyes and her mother's fair hair, though Ciara's hair was somewhat darker than Elene's.  
  
"Okay. . .and when Daddy gets the Gundam aboard, I can make up one of the cabins for him. Mom, it's him, isn't it? Zechs Merquis?" Ciara asked, her blue-gray eyes lighting up. The young leader of the White Fang was an endless source of fascination for the twelve year old, especially since he wasn't so much older than she was.  
  
"I don't know, baby. I just don't know. Listen, while you're getting the med-kit, I have to get ready to operate the controls. Remember, the Gundam pilots don't wear helmuts inside the Gundams. So we'll tow the Gundam inside," Talia said. The girl nodded and bounded from the room, leaving the young woman with the sense that their lives just got a lot more complicated.  
  
However, her life was always complicated. Why should things be any different now? She shook her head and turned her attention back to the monitor. The pilot, whoever he was, was in trouble. And she was taught when she was a child, when someone helped you, you passed it on. Talia grimaced, remembering her childhood. Her teen years. Petyr. She shook her head. No, she wouldn't think about that right now. Concentrate on this pilot.  
  
. . .  
  
As salvage missions went, it was among the easier ones Shawn attempted. After he suited up and left the ship, his wife kept a gentle hand on the controls of the cable which kept him attached to the ship. Shawn drifted toward the Gundam. The arms and legs were blown off, leaving only the giant torso of the Gundam floating in space.  
  
Shawn came prepared. If necessary, he could weld handles into the damaged hull of the giant torso, handles for the cable. But it proved un- necessary, as there were natural hand-grips, probably for the pilots. Shawn easily looped the cables through the grips, latching them onto the metal. Once Talia began operating the controls, both Shawn and the Gundam would be towed back into the salvage ship.  
  
He peered into the ship. . .as he feared, the pilot was knocked unconscious before he had a chance to put on his helmut. He looked to be about eighteen or nineteen, twenty at most. Shawn, who was thirty-five, was shaken to realize this boy could be his son or nephew. Just a child, and fighting a war for God only knew what reason. Why was there ever war? The Ireland of his ancestors, of his own childhood, was torn apart by war and conflict, and for what?  
  
Shawn keyed the mike in his suit, telling his wife, "Cables are fastened, and I'm holding onto the grips. Get us back on board. Once we get the kid out, and into his own cabin, we'll strip this thing for parts, and blow the rest of it up. I have a feeling leaving that thing out here would be a mistake. Too many crazies running around. Never mind that the war is over, there are still too many crazies."  
  
"Agreed. Ciara is getting out the med-kit out for the pilot. How is he doing?" Talia asked as Shawn and the Gundam were pulled back to the ship. The pilot remained limp in the cockpit, and it occurred to Shawn that the boy might be dead. His blood ran cold, but he shook off his fear. No, the boy was alive. He had to be. They hadn't just expended all this energy, just to rescue a dead man.  
  
"Unconscious. . .I hope. He hasn't stirred," Shawn answered. They were nearing the salvage vessel now, and he added, "Almost there. I'll get the Gundam in first, and close the door behind me." Shawn reached for the hold of the ship, maneuvering the Gundam torso inside, then pulled himself in. He hit the button which closed the door, as promised.  
  
Now came the delayed claustrophobic fit, as Shawn began to feel the walls closing in on him. He took several deep breaths, trying to calm himself in the delayed panic attack. His heart was racing, it was hard to breathe, but Shawn forced himself to calm down. The kid, whoever he was, still needed their help. And Talia would need help getting him to one of their cabins, even though Ciara was awake.  
  
He began deactivating the heavy Mech Suit. A half second later, Talia was in the hold with him with the med-kit in her hand, and said, "I put the ship on auto-pilot." Shawn nodded and got out of his Mech Suit, while his wife crawled onto the torso of the Gundam and shimmied open the door. Once it was open, Talia lowered herself into the cockpit.  
  
Once he was free of that damn suit of his own, Shawn crawled up onto the torso, and held his arms out. Talia was unbuckling the boy from his restraints, and for the first time, Shawn saw the blood trickling from the corner of the boy's lip. Shawn's insides turned to ice. The kid had internal injuries. This didn't look good. He didn't know why it was so important to him that this boy lived. . .but it was important. It was damned important.  
  
Talia gently lifted the pilot from the seat and Shawn reached down for the unconscious boy. He got his hands under the youngster's arms and lifted him from the cockpit, with Talia guiding his legs. Once Shawn had the boy out on the torso, Talia pulled herself out of the cockpit, and she said breathlessly, "I'll lower him to the ground from here."  
  
Shawn nodded and slid to the ground, barely aware that his daughter had entered the hold and was now watching them curiously. Talia sat down beside the unconscious pilot, then drew him into her arms, his head resting against her shoulder. She dug in her heels and propelled them both down the Gundam. Shawn caught the injured boy, lowering him to the ground, and Talia landed on her feet easily. Like a damn cat she was, but there was only affection in the observation.  
  
"Here's the med-kit, Mom," Ciara offered as Talia began to pull the protective suit away from their guest. Shawn lowered his head gently to the ground, and Talia held her hand out for the med-kit. Ciara handed it to her, then sank to her knees beside the pilot. She looked up, her eyes shining. There was more than a touch of hero worship in her face.  
  
It occurred to him, not for the first time, that his little girl was growing up. She would be thirteen in six months. . .and dammit, she was starting to notice boys. Worse yet, she developed a monumental crush on the leader of the White Fang, a boy not even out of his teens yet. He was handsome and mysterious. . .definitely someone to appeal to a young girl like Ciara.  
  
But that wasn't the responsibility of the young man. Zechs Merquis, Miliardo Peacecraft, whatever name he used. . .he needed their help. Shawn could only hope that his daughter had enough wisdom to understand that. Then again, Talia helped him to raise Ciara, even before their marriage. He should have more faith in them both.  
  
. . .  
  
Talia had no idea what kind of injuries the Gundam pilot had suffered when his Gundam was so badly damaged, although the blood trickling from his mouth told her that there were some internal injuries. Her heart turned over, seeing for the first time just how young he was. Oh, she knew how many years he lived as soon as she saw his face. She knew quite a lot about Miliardo Peacecraft. But until now, it hadn't struck her how young he was.  
  
//Nineteen or twenty,// she thought as she gently caressed the long blond hair back from his forehead, //the same age as Petyr. My little brother.// The comparison was not a reassuring one, as the pilot's eyes were still closed, and his breathing labored. Talia closed her eyes, remembering her brother. Killed in the same war which resulted in the death of King Peacecraft of the Sank Kingdom.  
  
And the father of the boy now lying on the floor of Talia's vessel. She said softly, "Miliardo Peacecraft. . .Zechs Merquis." As she suspected. Ciara's pale eyes were shining with excitement. She was right as well. Shawn was silent, quite possibly knowing what she was thinking, and Talia said, "Well, I should get this off him, so I at least know if I can save him." She began easing the space suit from his body. She took her time, knowing that it might mean his death if she rushed him out of the suit, if she moved too quickly in any way.  
  
Once that was done, she passed her diagnostic over him, murmuring, "Broken ribs, bruised muscles. Can't tell if he's bleeding internally yet, so we need to be careful when we move him." She was talking more to herself than anyone else. Talia waved the diagnostic around his head, grimacing, and muttered, "Looks like he took a severe blow to his head. Probably knocked the back of his head against the chair when the Gundam took the big blast."  
  
For the first time, she noticed that his lips were turning blue. Frowning, the young woman moved the diagnostic back over his chest, and nodded grimly. She was afraid of that and told Shawn, "One of his broken lungs punctured his lung, I think. His lung hasn't collapsed yet, but we have to hurry. Hand me the oxygen mask. Ciara, honey, I need you to get all of our med equipment set up in the cabin you made up for him." Ciara nodded and jumped to her feet, then ran from the cargo hold. Talia was vaguely aware that the parts they could get from the Gundam would keep them in parts for several years.  
  
Talia turned her attention back to the unconscious pilot. God, but he was so young! With everything which happened in the last year, it was hard to believe that Zechs Merquis. . . Miliardo Peacecraft. . .was only nineteen years old. His sister Relena was only fifteen, the ruler of the Sank kingdom. It all made Talia feel very old, until she remembered what happened when she was sixteen years old.  
  
The fall of the Sank Kingdom, the beginning of her nightmare. That same nightmare created this young man as well. The teenaged Talia ceased to exist on the same day Zechs Merquise replaced Miliardo Peacecraft, small prince of the Sank Kingdom. They took different paths, to erase the nightmares, but somehow, they ended up in the same place. Talia decided she would think about that later. She had to concentrate on the now. But it wasn't that easy.  
  
As she gently placed the oxygen mask over the boy's face, she gently stroked the blond hair back from his eyes. If she were to close her own eyes, she could almost pretend that her little brother was still alive. Almost. But her brother was dead for many years. Nothing could bring him back. She had to remember that, and help this boy. He had a sister as well, and she would need him. Talia was no psychic, couldn't see the future. But she didn't need to.  
  
Once she was satisfied that further moving their unexpected guest wouldn't cause more damage to his already battered body, Talia said softly, "We need to get him to the cabin. I'll stay with him." Shawn started to protest, and Talia smiled at him, saying softly, "You're the better pilot, and I'm the better medic. We can switch roles another time."  
  
Shawn closed his mouth with a snap and replied, "You're absolutely right. I'm sorry. I'll take his feet, you take his shoulders." Talia bobbed her head, smiling, and gently slid her hands under the boy's shoulders. His head fell lightly against her arm as they picked him up. Once more, Talia was reminded of her lost brother. He died in her arms, his small lifeless body cradled against her own thin, all too fragile body. Talia forced the memories back. She would have to face them later, but for now. . .for now, she would see to this child.  
  
. . .  
  
Despite the steps taken by the husband and wife, as well as young Ciara, it was almost a week before they were somewhat positive Zechs Merquis would live. He was weaker than they originally feared. His injuries were only part of the equation. The morning after his rescue, he developed a high fever. That week was spent in a vigil at his side for Talia, while Shawn piloted their craft. She ate and slept, since Ciara would spell her at their patient's side. But she only left the boy's side to eat and sleep, and attend to other bodily functions.  
  
Shawn admitted that the boy seemed more willing to fight while Talia was there, for reasons neither of them understood. Any more than they understood his seeming desire to die. He just lay on the bed, usually unconscious. When he was conscious, it was only for a few moments, and he was delirious. Often, he cried. Crying, begging, for his sister to forgive him. . .but someone had to atone for the weakness, the sins, of humanity. For the incessant wars to end, a sacrifice had to be made. And if it took such a terrible cost, so be it. If people despised his name from the end of time, if it ended war. . .it was necessary.  
  
"But you're just a boy," Talia whispered after one such confession, "just a child. How can you, one mere boy, atone for so many?" She shook her head, gently stroked his hair back from his forehead, and that quieted him. He spoke of others. . .but most of his conversations, most of his words, were for his beloved little sister. As the days passed and Zechs hovered between life and death, Talia faced her brother's death and the end of the Sank Kingdom.  
  
And now, things were coming full circle. Either full circle, or she was being given a second chance. Her brother died in her arms when she was sixteen, in part because Petyr and Talia were instructed to protect the prince in any way they could. Would she have the opportunity to save this young man, when she couldn't save her brother? And perhaps, in doing so, earn the forgiveness of her parents?  
  
These questions were put aside, for she needed to concentrate on healing her patient, who daily struggled with his own battles and demons. A week after they found his Gundam floating in a field of rubble, Zechs Merquis awoke. If Talia believed their lives would get interesting before, the weeks which followed his awakening proved her point.  
  
. .  
.  
  
He. . .hurt. Which was strange, because he always believed that death would end all pain. But he hurt now. Oh, he hurt. If there was a part of his body which didn't hurt, he didn't know about it. Then he heard a soft, young girl's voice. Relena? The girl said, "Mom, he's waking up. No, I think he's really waking up!"  
  
At that, Zechs Merquise did force his eyes open. He was wrong. He wasn't dead. And despite the whispering in the back of his mind, the girl at his side wasn't his little sister Relena. The girl beamed at him, saying, "It's an honor to have you aboard, Colonel Merquise!" The child. . .perhaps twelve or thirteen years of age, snapped a salute which would have put half of Oz to shame, as well as the majority of White Fang.  
  
Zechs started to answer, but blinding pain shot through his torso, robbing him of the ability to speak. Colonel Merquise. He hadn't heard that in a long time. Not long enough, however. A soft hand touched his forehead, caressed his hair, and a voice said, "Easy. . .don't try to talk. We weren't sure if you would make it." Zechs closed his eyes against the pain, forcing himself to relax. . .and slowly, the pain eased.  
  
Once he was reasonably certain he could talk in a low voice without blinding pain, Zechs whispered, "Where am I? Who are you? What happened?" Now the pain began taking over again. But with the pain, with consciousness, came questions. He could only vaguely remember the battle with Heero Yuy. And he remembered he meant to die. So. . .why was he alive?  
  
"You're aboard our salvage ship. It doesn't have a name, it doesn't really need one. My name is Talia Malloy, and this is Ciara. We found you about a week ago, after your Gundam battle," that same soft voice answered. Zechs forced himself to open his eyes, and the woman said, "Ciara, turn down the lights, so they don't hurt our guest's eyes."  
  
"Okay, Mom. Should I tell Daddy that he's awake?" the girl asked. Her mother assented, then the girl, Ciara, ran from the room. With the lights not as bright, Zechs focused on the woman sitting beside him. She looked vaguely familiar, though he couldn't place her. His head hurt, his body hurt, his soul hurt, too much for him to concentrate on where he saw her before. The young woman looked to be about twenty-five or thirty, with curly dark hair and hazel eyes.  
  
She smiled at him and said softly, "We weren't sure you'd pull through. You're as strong-willed as the rest of your family." Zechs blinked. . .she knew of his family? His. . . father? Talia. . .that was her name, wasn't it? Talia? He thought that was what she said. She knew his family? But she said gently, "You look like your father. I'm sure he's very proud of you. Your mother, too."  
  
"I've disappointed them both. My father believed in pacifism, and I became a warrior," Zechs answered, then moaned in pain. He should have died, he wanted to die. He told Heero Yuy that they would met again, because he believed they would on the other side. With Treize. But not now, for Heero was needed to protect Relena. Talia's fingers brushed through his hair, and the pain began to ease once more.  
  
"I seriously doubt that. You did what was necessary to survive, what was necessary to protect your little sister. And you succeeded. For that alone, they're proud of you. No more talking. You were hurt very badly. Just rest for now, and we can talk later. I promise to answer what questions I can. Sleep," she said. Zechs again tried to protest, but Talia repeated, stroking his forehead, "Sleep, my little love. Just sleep." Against his will, Zechs found his eyes closing and the darkness came in and claimed him. In his dreams, he was six years old, before his world fell apart, before his family was destroyed. . .while he was still worthy of love.  
  
. . .  
  
"So how is he?" Shawn asked as he joined his wife and daughter in the galley. Ciara raced to the cockpit, gasping that he was awake, Colonel Zechs was awake. Shawn followed her to the med-cabin, where the young man was once more losing consciousness. But he saw the relief in his wife's eyes, and that was all he needed to know for now.  
  
"Well, like I said, he's damn lucky to be alive. Broken ribs, internal bleeding, a punctured lung. From what I could gather from the information we downloaded from his Gundam before we stripped it and blew it up, he was knocked unconscious in the blast. The explosion blasted him through the ship before the block hit the atmosphere, and Heero Yuy blasted it with that cannon of his," Talia answered, wiping her hands on her slacks.  
  
She paused, then continued, "I also downloaded the voice files, talking to the other pilots and to the White Fang. One of the arms was already taken off during his battle with Heero Yuy. According to what I've heard, some of these Gundam Suits have their own consciousness, their own. . .intelligence."  
  
"So, what you're saying, Mom, is that it protected him? How?" Ciara asked. Shawn looked at his wife questioningly, and Ciara went on, "I mean, when the explosion took place, shouldn't the cockpit have been destroyed? Shouldn't it have been totally destroyed, since he was the one who started the process?"  
  
"You'd think so, yes. But that's where the suit comes in. If the suit does have a consciousness of its own, it's entirely likely that the suit tried to protect him. Think about it. The positioning of your body, or another, at the time of impact decides how badly the impacted body will be injured. The suit may have turned sideways after the initial blast, the one that knocked him unconscious. That way, only the remaining limbs were blasted away, leaving the torso intact," Talia answered.  
  
"And what of the life-support system? Would the suit be able to keep his life support system going, even with the hits it must have taken as it was blow through the ship?" Shawn asked. Talia shrugged. . .none of them really knew that much about Gundam Suits. Shawn was silent for a few moments, then asked his wife, "So what now?"  
  
"I don't know," she admitted with a sigh, leaning back against the cabinets, "I really don't know. I have an uneasy feeling that we'll need to keep a watch on him. While I was talking to him, I had the impression that he felt he didn't deserve to live. Nothing specific that he said, particularly. Just the sadness in his voice when he said that he disappointed his parents. Nothing concrete, no reason. . .just a feeling. But, unless we want our efforts to go to waste, we have to convince him that it's worth it. . .that life is worth it."  
  
"How do we do that, Mom? And why would he want to die?" Ciara asked in puzzlement. Shawn smiled faintly at his daughter, understanding her confusion. She grew up in space, she grew up free, surrounded by people who loved her. Even after the death of her mother, ten years earlier, she was surrounded by love. Advantages denied to Miliardo Peacecraft. . .Zechs Merquise. He and Talia talked a great deal during the last week. About the tragedy which brought her to him and Elene.  
  
"Because, honey, in order to survive, he had to do some terrible things. And he can't forgive himself for that. Remember how he would cry in his sleep, about wanting his sister to forgive him? That's what I mean. But we have to convince him to forgive himself. We have to convince him that life is worth it. . .that he's worth it," Talia answered.  
  
"Which brings us back to the original question. How?" Shawn asked. Talia sighed again. Shawn got the picture. She was as clueless as they were. But Shawn found he was just as determined to keep that young man alive as his wife. His motivations were different than hers, but their ends were the same.  
  
"Ciara, before you were born, I was a lot like that young man. I didn't believe I deserved to live. But your father and mother taught me that the only way a person can atone for what they've done, or failed to do, is by living. And they loved me. It sounds terribly corny. . .but it's true. We convince him to keep living, by loving him," Talia answered.  
  
Shawn considered his wife's words. Love. Could something so simple be so necessary to save the life of a young man? Why not? As Talia said, it was love which saved her when he and Elene found her all those years ago. True, Zechs Merquise was older, and had even more on his soul than that lost little girl had. But it was a place to start. 


	2. Between the Fire and the Flame

Between the Fire and the Flame  
  
No one ever explained how difficult resurrection was. At twelve, not that much younger than their guest, Ciara Malloy believed things would get easier once Zechs Merquise awoke. He'd wake up, recover from his injuries, and they would all live happily ever after. Except. . .it wasn't like that at all.  
  
For one thing, after regaining consciousness and recovering from one fever, Zechs had a relapse only days later. Ciara's mother said that they probably weren't careful enough when they moved him. Ciara's father countered by answering they could have done things differently if they were on a space station. They did the best they could under the circumstances. And there was another complication. He felt that he didn't deserve to live. But, at the same time, he didn't really want to die, either. He was caught, as her father would say, between the fire and the flame. //What,// Ciara wondered, //could he have done that was so unforgiveable?//  
  
She saw his blast strike the Earth, after Oz captured the colony, but there was a war going on. Her mother explained to her about war crimes, about how doing terrible things during war was no better than doing terrible things during peacetime, but Ciara still didn't understand. Other people did terrible things, but Ciara really doubted if they were beating themselves up over it, the way he was.  
  
Besides, even if he did terrible things, he was sorry for them now, and that was the important thing, right? Daddy said that Zechs believed the only way to show he was really sorry about what he did was by dying, an observation that totally confused Ciara. If you wanted to make up for the things you did, how could you do that if you were dead?  
  
Ciara was beginning to wonder if she was just stupid, when her father explained that she was right. They just had to make Zechs understand that. It wasn't that he was stupid. He just didn't know anything else, Daddy explained. Ciara really didn't understand that. How could Zechs NOT know that? Daddy responded by telling her just as she learned from him and Mom, Zechs learned from the people around him while he was growing up. And he learned very different things than Ciara, so different, that her parents would need Ciara's help in teaching him new things. Teaching him as Ciara was taught.  
  
That conversation was a week earlier, and two weeks after his rescue. Ciara shook her head. Two weeks since the battle between the two Gundams, the battle which ended war. She sat now in Zechs' cabin, reading a book while he slept. Often, she would remain with him while he was asleep. Mom told her that she was a little younger than Zechs' own sister, Princess Relena. Ciara wasn't sure she liked the idea of Zechs seeing her as a little sister. After all, she was almost thirteen, almost a young lady!  
  
He moaned in his sleep, but it sounded like he was mumbling nonsense, rather than speaking any names. And he certainly didn't sound like he was having a nightmare. Ciara looked over him, just in case, but he was just shifting on the bed, grimacing in pain. Most of his ribs were fractured when Epyon destroyed the power source of the carrier, when it blasted back through the ship.  
  
//Fractured ribs, internal injuries. . .given what Mom said, about our lack of real medical supplies, it's amazing he did survive. Maybe he doesn't really want to die. . .Mom admitted that a lot of time, a person's will to live is what determines their recovery,// Ciara thought, watching the sleeping man intently. None of that answered the question which still haunted Ciara and her parents. How did they break through his wall, the invisible mask he wore to protect himself? After the second fever broke and Zechs began to recover, he was quietly grateful to them for their efforts, but there was a terrible pain in his eyes, pain that broke Ciara's heart.  
  
He still slept a lot. . .tired easily. Spoke little. Ciara saw the ghost of a smile appear on his face when Mom sat beside him on his bed while she was examining him. His internal injuries were healing, but he remained shirtless so Mom could check on his ribs. Often, while she was checking him over, Mom would gently stroke a lock of pale blond hair back from his eyes, as if he was Ciara's age. The girl would see a tiny smile appear, as if Zechs enjoyed the gentle attention, but didn't want to say anything, for fear of losing it.  
  
The preteen noticed something else. Zechs seemed different than he had while he was the leader of the White Fang. Quieter. . .and, while Ciara meant it in a complimentary way, softer. The battle-hardened warrior slipped away, leaving an exhausted, vulnerable young man in his place. That was what Ciara's mother said, and that was as good a way of putting it as any.  
  
//Yes,// Ciara thought, bobbing her head as she thought about it, //he's tired, both in his body and in his heart.// He was widely believed to be dead, and he wanted to stay that way. The first, and only, time Mom mentioned contacting his sister, Zechs became extremely agitated and begged her not to do so. //It's better if my sister believes I'm dead. It's safer that way,// he said.  
  
In the interest of keeping him calm, Mom agreed, though she didn't like the idea of letting the young princess believe her brother was dead. She said so to Daddy, prompting the reply, "And why have you never contacted your family? It's been a long time, Tal. . .don't you think they would want t' know you're alive?"  
  
It was the first time Ciara heard anything about a family other than the one which Mom and Daddy created with Ciara. Mom went white, and she replied, "That's different. Zechs and Relena only had a brief time together. Whether she'll admit it or not, she needs him. And he needs her."  
  
Mom stormed out of the room, and Ciara was shaken. While she witnessed a few arguments between her parents, she never saw her mother so upset. She asked her father what her mother meant, if she had family left somewhere on earth. Daddy sighed and answered, "I don't know, sweeting. But I do know that your mother ran away from home when she was a teenager, because her little brother died, and her parents blamed her. At least, she thought her parents blamed her."  
  
One more thing which she didn't understand. But Ciara was slowly getting used to that. Very. . .slowly. Zechs murmured, "Getting used to what, Miss Ciara?" He opened his eyes to look at the twelve year old, and she blushed. She had no idea how long he was awake, or even if she said much out loud. And yet, as she looked down at her hands, then at him, it never occurred to her to lie to him.  
  
"Not understanding things," she admitted honestly. He raised a pale brow, and Ciara explained, "I don't understand why my mother would blame herself for her brother's death, and I don't understand why you don't want to live. I don't understand why you think you have to die to make up for the things you did wrong. Daddy and Mom both say it takes more courage to go on living than it does to die."  
  
"Your parents are very wise," Zechs answered in a soft voice, "and I wish I could explain it to you. I almost killed an entire world, Miss Ciara. After I did that, I don't deserve to live." Ciara rolled her eyes. Please. Now he was being tiresome, a word which her father used in the past to describe anyone he thought was being foolish.  
  
"That's just plain dumb!" Ciara answered scornfully. She grew annoyed when she saw an amused smile curve his lips. She continued angrily, "Don't you think your sister is sad, thinking that you're dead? And how can you ever make up for what you did wrong if you're dead? Mom and Dad both say you're not stupid, you don't know anything else, but I think you're being dumb."  
  
"I probably am," Zechs answered, "but I'm not as brave as your mother is. Whatever she did wrong, she probably wanted to die after her brother died. But she didn't. She held on." He paused, his lips quirked, then he added, "Then again, I'm sure your mother never tried to kill an entire world to make a point."  
  
Ciara stamped her foot, exploding, "Would you stop saying that!" Their guest looked startled by her rare display of temper, but Ciara didn't let that stop her. She continued, "I saw the cannon firing at Earth, and it scared me. Mom said it was wrong, she said that you shouldn't have done it. She said that you made a lot of mistakes when you were trying to end war. But you're sorry for it, right? You think it was a mistake? Why isn't it good enough?" //And if it's not good enough for you, how can it be good enough for me when I screw up?//  
  
"Because a lot of people died, Ciara. On both sides. A lot of people died, a lot of people lost their families, a lot of people lost their homes. Someone has to pay for that. I already have blood on my hands from what I did in Oz. Why shouldn't I be the one to pay? For the death, the destruction, the pain. . .the loss?" Zechs answered quietly.  
  
"Because you didn't cause it all! Mom lost her brother to the Alliance attack against the Sank Kingdom. She said it happened when you were just a little boy, that you didn't start the war. You just did what you could to prevent another one from happening. And you did the wrong thing, but if you should die for what you did wrong, then what about me? When I do something wrong?" Ciara asked, near tears.  
  
That haunted her ever since Zechs awakened the first time. If he had to die for something he did wrong, if he had to die to atone for his crimes. . .where did that leave her when she did something wrong? Her parents talked about justice, but when they spoke of justice, mercy was part of the conversation. The preteen was aware that Zechs believed he deserved no forgiveness. But her mother told her that mercy was like forgiveness, or love. It wasn't a matter of earning it, or deserving it. It was given. Ciara remembered what her father said, about Zechs not learning the things she had, and she wondered if this was one of those things.  
  
"Ciara, you're only twelve years old, you've grown up in space. Grown up surrounded by love. . .what could you possibly do that would be as terrible as what I did?" Zechs asked. He was starting to tire, but for the first time, she saw a spark of life in his bright blue eyes. Ciara's emotions began to quiet at that spark. While the words sounded patronizing, there was a genuine question in his voice.  
  
"So, no one has ever sinned as you have, Colonel Merquise? Or do you prefer Commander Peacecraft? Either way, your presumption is amazing. . .who do you think you are to presume your sin is worse than anyone else's?" Ciara's mother asked from the doorway. Ciara swung around to face her. . .she never even heard the cabin door open.  
  
. . .  
  
Talia Malloy stood in the doorway, the light from the corridor making her dark hair look almost red. With her hands on her hips and anger flashing in her dark eyes, she looked like an avenging angel. Zechs saw her enter from the corner of his eye as he finished speaking, but obviously, Ciara hadn't known her mother entered the cabin.  
  
Before he could reply, Talia continued, "You fired a blast at a planet. If my recollection of geography is correct, it was an uninhabited area, although I haven't been to earth in fifteen years. You could have done much worse, as we both know. You turned back from destroying Earth, you helped to save it in the end. Do you really think the monsters who destroyed the Sank Kingdom ever regretted what they did?"  
  
Zechs started to answer, but the woman who had taken care of him these last few weeks continued, "I was there when the Alliance over-ran the Sank Kingdom, Prince Milliardo. My little brother died as a direct result of that attack. And after he died in my arms, I saw the king, your father, murdered in front of my eyes. I heard his assassins laughing as your father told him that eventually, they would meet justice. Laughing!"  
  
Prince Milliardo. His father. . .the attack that destroyed his innocence, destroyed his family, and robbed him of his sister. He looked at the woman, at this avenging angel, and thought once more of Relena. She was better off now, believing he was dead. Heero Yuy and Noin would take care of her. . .Zechs had faith in Lucrezia Noin.  
  
"Did you laugh when you blasted Earth? Did you laugh when Treize Khushrenada challenged you to a duel? When his duel with that Gundam pilot ended the way it did? Did you laugh when you set the collision course with Earth? Or through the whole mess? You're a Peacecraft. . .of course you didn't," Talia answered. She shook her head, murmuring, "I remember your parents, Prince Milliardo. I remember your little sister. And I seriously doubt if the son of the king is a coward."  
  
She was challenging him, trying to goad him back to life. She took care of him faithfully ever since his rescue. Making sure he ate when he wasn't sleeping, making sure his injuries were healing. She asked her step- daughter to keep him company, perhaps believing the girl's vivacity would spark something within him. Zechs knew all this, and knew what she was trying to do now. She was trying to anger him, trying to push him. He wouldn't let her do it. He almost ruined everything for his precious little sister, he didn't deserve the second chance which this woman gave him. He wouldn't let her save his soul, as she saved his life.  
  
The woman said, shaking her head, "It's so much easier, isn't it? Just sitting there, sleeping and watching life, instead of living. I never had you figured for a coward. I tease Ciara sometimes about being a star- struck little girl, but the truth was, I was as awed by your abilities as a pilot as she was. Your abilities as a pilot, as someone who could inspire others. Your sister said that Heero Yuy inspired hope. . .but you, you inspire people."  
  
Unbidden, an image took shape in Zechs' mind. A young man, about the same age as himself. Otto. The young officer who helped to rebuild Tallgeese. Who died after Tallgeese nearly killed Zechs. Who died screaming Zechs' name. He shuddered, but Talia Malloy wasn't finished, adding bitterly, "But when all is said and done, you don't have the strength to keep going. You made mistakes. . .trusted the wrong people, took the wrong course of action. It happens. We lowly mortals have to get up, dust ourselves off, and keep going. You say that you don't deserve to live, that you don't deserve to rule, because of your actions. You're half- right."  
  
Ciara shifted uneasily, her eyes flickering from one to the other, and her mother continued, "You don't deserve to rule, and you don't deserve to carry the Peacecraft name, because you're a quitter. If your father is ashamed of you, it's because you've given up. Not because you had to kill to survive, not because you fought a war. But because you don't have the courage to find a reason to live."  
  
Now, in spite of his best efforts, Zechs found himself getting angry. He hissed at her, mindful of his broken ribs, "Damn you! How much stronger do I have to be? I lost my family, I lost my home, everything, when the Alliance felt threatened by my father's ideals of pacifism! All I ever wanted was to make sure my sister never had to make the same choices I did, that she would be able to remain innocent!"  
  
"Did she ever ask you to make those choices? Of course not, she was just a baby when the Sank Kingdom was turned to rubble. Would she have asked you to? Never! I think you underestimate your sister. She's stronger than you think. . .if you would have allowed her, she would have taken some of the burden. Why did you have to be the martyr, why did you have to make all the sacrifices? My God, Julian, you're only twenty years old!" Talia exploded.  
  
Zechs stared at her, jolted. Who. . .how did she know that? He asked slowly, "How did you know my mother called me 'Julian,' Talia? Only people who spent time with my family knew that." Forgotten was her tirade, leaving only astonishment. How could she have known that 'Julian' was his second name, and the name his mother often called him?  
  
"You'd be surprised what I know. And you didn't answer my question. . .why did you have to make all the sacrifices? Why did you have to take all the burden onto yourself? To atone for the attack, for being unable to save your parents? Is that it, Zechs?" Talia asked, and once more his anger began rising. Dammit, why wouldn't she leave him alone? Why wouldn't she go away?  
  
"Because it was the only way to protect my sister! Darlian told the soldiers that she was his daughter. If anyone knew that either of us were still alive. . .especially Relena. . .it would have all been over. At least this way, I could protect her! She didn't know until this last year, she didn't know about me, but that didn't matter. I knew about her, I loved her, and I would die to protect her!" Zechs fired back.  
  
"You still didn't answer my question. After she found out about you, learned that you were her brother, why didn't you let her take some of the burden? Why didn't you go to her? Why did you have to do it all by yourself? It's what I thought, isn't it? Because a six year old boy couldn't protect his family, his country, could barely even protect himself. Relena was just a toddler, so there was nothing she could have done. What makes you think you could have done anything, a little boy of six?" Talia demanded.  
  
"BECAUSE I WAS THE PRINCE! IT WAS MY DUTY!" Zechs cried out. A sharp pain sliced through his side, but his anger and grief overwhelmed the momentary agony. He shook his head and continued, "From my earliest memories, my father taught me that it was my duty, my purpose, to protect my people. My family. My sister."  
  
"Ciara, honey. . .I think you should leave now," Talia said quietly. The girl looked at Zechs, then at her mother, then quietly left the cabin, leaving the pair alone. Zechs fought to regain his composure, and Talia went on, "You were a little boy, Zechs. Six years old. Yes, you would have been king one day, but do you really think your father expected a six year old child to save the kingdom? Him? Your mother? Your sister?"  
  
Zechs started to answer, but Talia continued, "No, Zechs. Your father was a kind, generous, reasonable man. A man, a king, who loved his family and his people. You've thought for all these years that he was ashamed of you, that you weren't living up to his expectations. You were wrong. You weren't living up to your own."  
  
"My father believed in pacifism. He believed in non-violence. He believed in. . .he believed in taking care of people, in standing up for what he believed in. That's why he died," Zechs answered hoarsely. Now that he was calmer, he hurt like hell. Damn adrenaline rush, making him forget that he was still healing.  
  
"Yes. Your father died because people with small minds felt threatened by him, by his beliefs, and by the people who believed in him. Your father died because there will always be small-minded, weak people who feel threatened by anyone who doesn't share their beliefs. Not because his six year old son was unable to save him," Talia answered.  
  
Zechs couldn't argue with her any more. He was too damn tired. So, very tired. Of arguing, of fighting. He was tired of being tired, tired of hurting. Talia seemed to understand that, for her eyes softened to the expression which was much more familiar. She said more gently, reaching out to brush his blond bangs from his eyes, "I've said enough. More than enough, but I won't apologize for it. We'll talk more later, Zechs. You need to get some sleep. I should go check on Ciara. Arguments of any kind worry her. I'll be back later."  
  
Zechs nodded, leaning back against his pillows, and Talia rose to her feet. As she walked out, she left Zechs to think about what she said. He didn't want to, of course. Closing his mind and just giving up was so much easier than pulling himself back together and trying again. But damn her, she was right. On just about everything.  
  
And if he was truly honest with himself. . .well. . .he didn't want to die. He wanted to live. To do what, he didn't know. But he should have died in the explosion, should have never awakened after losing consciousness. But he was alive, thanks to this woman and her family. Three people who risked their lives, their welfare, to save him.  
  
. . .  
  
//Well,// Talia thought as she walked swiftly to the kitchen, //I think I blasted a hole through that mask he's been wearing. Now, I have to make sure I didn't terrify Ciara. I didn't enjoy that, or pushing Zechs. But I'll be damned if I'll just give up and walk away from him. He's too young to give up on himself, and if he won't fight for himself, then I will!//  
  
She found her husband and daughter in the kitchen, as she expected. Ciara was still trembling, and Talia slipped up behind the girl, wrapping her arms around her. Ciara turned in her arms and Talia kissed the top of her head. She murmured, "I'm sorry if I scared you, babe. But I had to do something. And if it's any consolation, I think it worked."  
  
"Mom, why does he do this! It's sooooo stupid!" Ciara blurted out, pulling back to look at Talia. The young woman removed her arms from her daughter's waist to cup the girl's heart-shaped face in her hands. She wiped away Ciara's tears with her thumbs. Twelve years old. Where had the time gone? And how much longer would it be now? Before her step-daughter was a young woman herself?  
  
Talia saw the way Ciara looked at Zechs. She had a terrible crush on the pilot. Why wouldn't she? He wasn't much older than she was, he was gloriously handsome, especially when he was so vulnerable. As he was these last few weeks. // But. . .// Talia thought, //he was even more handsome just now. When there was life in his eyes.//  
  
"Because he hasn't learned the most important rule, Ciara. About forgiving yourself. He can't forgive himself. The thing is, how do you tell someone to forgive himself for nearly wiping out an entire planet?" Talia asked in a low voice. Ciara scooted over, but when Talia sat down on the stool which her daughter occupied, she put the girl on her lap. Her reward was an indignant look, and Talia almost laughed aloud.  
  
"You don't. That's somethin' that Zechs has t' come t' terms wi' on his own. We all have battle scars, Talia, one way or another," Shawn observed and Talia nodded with a sigh. Shawn was silent for several moments, then said with a half smile, "However. I think I have an idea which will turn our young warrior's guilt to our advantage."  
  
Talia raised an eyebrow. She couldn't wait to hear this. Shawn explained, "We saved his life, right? I mean, if we hadn't found him, and brought him aboard, he would have died, right?" Talia nodded, not fully understanding where her husband was going with this, and Shawn continued, his blue-gray eyes dancing with excitement, "So we use that t' keep him alive! Think about it, Tal. . .we could be placin' our lives in danger if anyone knew that Zechs Merquise was alive and in our care. Our lives, and Ciara's as well."  
  
"Riiiiiiiiight," Talia drawled out, still not seeing where Shawn was heading with this conversation. And then she stopped. Took a step back. Looked at the whole picture. Guilt. Others placing their lives in danger to save him. Hmmmm. Talia looked back at her husband, and asked, "So, what you're suggesting is that we inform Zechs that he owes us big-time for saving his life. . .and he's gonna pay up by staying alive? Am I understanding you correctly?"  
  
"Bingo," Shawn said, and Talia stifled a laugh, hearing that American colloquialism in Shawn's Irish accent. Not something she heard that often. But, Elene was an American, and Talia knew Shawn still loved her deeply. It was one reason, among many, why their relationship remained platonic. He continued, "It's sneaky, and it could backfire. But it could also work. Think about it." Talia nodded. Sure, it could work. And it could blow up in their faces. Had Shawn thought this through? Shawn answered this by saying, "And, I have a back-up plan. I remind him that if he lets go now, then he's betrayed everyone who has ever tried t' help him."  
  
"I like that idea better," Talia said dryly, "either way, you're using guilt to keep him alive. Not sure I like that idea particularly, but I don't have any other ideas. And it might buy us some time." Time to figure out how to break through to Zechs Merquise, burst past that protective wall around his heart and soul.  
  
"So, it's a two-pronged plan. Remind him of what he owes us, and explain that he can pay us back by fightin' for his life, by not givin' up. Then remind him of everyone who has gone before. I'll need some help wi' that, but I think my best bet would be startin' wi' his father. If he gives up now, that's a betrayal of the Sank Kingdom," Shawn replied. Talia considered this. Yes, she used this theme, when she accused Zechs of being a quitter.  
  
"I knew the king. He was no quitter. In fact, if memory serves, he was a soldier at one time, before Zechs was born. I'm willing to bet that's where his desire for absolute pacifism came into play," Talia answered, thinking of the diskette which was safely hidden in her room. Zechs wasn't ready to see that, not yet. But she knew she would show it to him, eventually. She had to keep her promise to his father.  
  
"Makes sense. You live through war, and all the different forms of hell which comes wi' it, the last thing you want is your children or your country ever facin' it again. I know it's risky. I know there's a chance that this tactic will push him over the edge. But I don't know what else t' do. We have t' make him see that dyin' is not the answer," Shawn said.  
  
"I know. I just wish there was a better way. We get him upset, and that will cause a relapse. He continues in this manner, and he'll never heal," Talia sighed. She leaned back in her chair, closing her eyes. She felt silk caress her throat, and she opened her eyes to see Ciara looking at her in concern. She smiled and said, "It's all right, love."  
  
"I hope so, Mom. I really like him," Ciara answered softly, and Talia hugged her tightly. Yes, she was sure her daughter did like Zechs, very much. She kissed the side of the girl's head, tightening her arms around Ciara at the same time. Ciara was trying so hard, but now it was Talia and Shawn's turn.  
  
"All right. Let's get started then. When I was a kid in Ireland, I often read mysteries and novels about police officers. They had a routine called 'good cop, bad cop.' I'm gonna be the bad cop right now, and Talia gets t' be the good cop," Shawn said. Talia rolled her eyes. After what just happened, she really didn't see that, but. . .she wouldn't spoil Shawn's fun. Strange, but in some ways, he behaved more like a teenager than the young man in the medical cabin. Even though Zechs was already twenty.  
  
//Oh, well,// she thought with a sigh as Shawn rose to his feet, //hopefully, he'll get through to Zechs. If not, we go back to the drawing board.// She ran her hand through her hair. //I swear to you, Petyr,// she thought, //by everything we ever believed in, I'll find a way to break through to him. So your sacrifice wasn't in vain.//  
  
. . .  
  
Shawn Malloy left the kitchen of the salvage ship with graceful, measured steps. He had a particular tactic in mind, but there were some kinks to work out first. Meanwhile, his mind kept returning to Talia, and their discussions ever since they rescued Zechs. Milliardo. Whatever his name was now. Shawn was learning more about the woman who was his companion for the last several years. More every day. And it was worried him. He caught himself treating her like a child at times, like the child she was when he and Elene first found her. But she was a child no more. And perhaps, she wasn't a child then.  
  
//How could she be a child,// Shawn thought now as he headed for the medical cabin, //after her brother died in her arms?// He still couldn't wrap his mind around that. He knew war was hell, he knew that innocents sometimes paid the price with their blood. But he wasn't sure he could accept that. Accept the image of a small boy dying in the arms of his teenaged sister. Never mind how many times he saw it in Ireland. That was different. Somehow. Even if Shawn wasn't sure how. It just....was. Shawn shook his head, sighing.  
  
And what of their young guest? What did he see on the day of the attack? Did Shawn even want to know? What kinds of scars were left from that day on the soul of the young prince? Was that part of the reason for his attack against earth? Shawn stopped in the middle of the corridor. The attack on earth. The targetting of his home planet for destruction. First with a cannon, then with the two ships.  
  
What the hell was the boy thinking? Did he stop thinking? What could have possessed him to do something like that? And why didn't Talia seem more affected by it? During the battle, he noticed her expression. She almost seemed. . .dead. . .inside. As if she didn't care about the outcome. As if she didn't care that Earth might be destroyed. True, she hadn't been home in years, but. . .  
  
But there was a better than even chance her family was still alive. Wasn't she worried about them? Shawn shook his head. Questions, questions, and more questions. He knew Talia for several years. . . met her less than a year after the attack on Sank. But for the first time, it occurred to him that all that he knew about her, he didn't really know her. Shawn didn't think he liked that idea very much.  
  
He shook his head again. He would talk to Talia later. Right now, he had to make sure that Zechs Merquise didn't get off so easily. He had to make sure the boy survived, to atone for what he almost did. Shawn's mind reeled from the implications, then something else occurred to him. Looking at the twenty year old leader of the White Fang, he could almost see himself, if he wasn't pulled out of his own patterns of self- destruction. Even more frightening. . .despite Zechs' attempt to destroy the earth, he was previously a decent, honorable man. Something that Shawn couldn't say. Before he met Elene, before he realized how close he was to self-destruction, it didn't matter. Win at any cost, the ends justified the means.  
  
//How then,// he thought, //can I judge him? But I never tried to destroy a planet! I never threatened an entire civilization!// Another voice, deep within his soul, answered, //No. But given the chance, you would have. And would you have pulled back, as he did? He set Libra and Peacemillion on its destructive course, and he also hit the self destruct for the engines. Would you have pulled back? Can you say that you even know?//  
  
And that was when Shawn Malloy finally began to understand. Why he was so desperate to save the young pilot after the final battle. In saving Zechs Merquise, he was saving himself. Atoning for what he did, what he would have done. He said now, staring at the door of the med-cabin, "This will not end here, Zechs Merquise. I had to live, had to atone for what I did. And so will you. Neither of us can get off that easily. And nor should we."  
  
. . .  
  
After Talia and Ciara left his room, Zechs fell back to sleep. His dreams were tortured, filled with dying men and women. Bloodied hands, burned hands, reaching out to him. Treize. Otto. Walker. Even Alex and Mueller, damn them. And how many others did he kill? Time and again, he saw Treize reach out. 'I'm waiting for you, my eternal friend. I'm waiting.' Zechs moaned in his sleep, trying to move away from the pull of those burned hands. And then, another hand took his. A clean hand, a whole hand. Unburned.  
  
He awoke with a start, to find Shawn Malloy at his side. Zechs frowned, swallowed hard, and whispered, "Talia. . .is she all right?" He rarely saw Shawn in the last few weeks, although Talia told him that it was her husband who pulled him into the ship, in the ruined Epyon. She also told him that they stripped Epyon for parts, then blew it up. Good.  
  
"Talia is fine, as is Ciara. How are you feelin,' lad?" Shawn asked in his soft Irish accent. Pagan was from Ireland, Zechs recalled. When he was a child, he loved to listen to his fencing master, just to hear the lovely Irish lilt. Zechs wondered if this man was from the same part of Ireland as his former teacher.  
  
"I've been better," Zechs answered, thinking back to his escape from Oz. Shawn laughed softly, and Zechs looked back at the older man. Shawn's eyes were filled with sadness. And Zechs didn't know how he knew, but he said it anyhow, "You were a soldier, weren't you?"  
  
"No. Not a soldier. A terrorist. Oh, that wasn't how I saw m'self, but that's what I was. Just as much a terrorist as the Gundam pilots were. I damn bloody near destroyed myself and everyone around me. Oh, I didn't belong t' any particular organization. I just wanted t' destroy everythin' around me. Just t' stop the hurtin' inside," Shawn answered.  
  
Zechs closed his eyes. He understood that. He did the same thing, after all, when he allowed the White Fang to recruit him. He. . . Shawn continued, "That's right, you're not the first warrior t' do that. You're not the first soldier who's believed he was goin' straight t' hell for bein' what he was, for survivin' as best he could."  
  
As he spoke, the Irish accent thickened, and Zechs whispered, "So, how did you survive? The guilt, the. . .feeling that you didn't deserve to live?" The knowledge you betrayed everyone you ever loved, and whoever loved you.  
  
"I was lucky. There was a young American girl. Elene. Ciara's mother. She made me see that I was self-destructin,' that I would probably take everyone I ever loved wi' me. And she wouldn't stop, either, until she was sure that I got the message. So my question t' you, Zechs Merquise, is what would it take for you t' accept that we won't give up on you?" Shawn asked. Zechs lay back, closing his eyes, and Shawn continued, "Oh, you won't escape from me that easily. You don't deserve t' die. You don't deserve t' have that endless rest, that escape. You have t' stay alive, you have t' atone for what you did wrong. I've been where you are now. And I'm damned if I'll let you give up now."  
  
"Why?" Zechs asked, and once more remembered the crash of Tallgeese I. The escape from Oz, the death of Zechs Merquise, or so he believed. //He was in a giant elevator, in a jeep, with a man in a Hawaiian shirt and shorts. His sore ribs protested the movement, and he winced. Howard turned back to look at him, asking, "Are you in a lot of pain?" Zechs ignored the question, asking instead, "Why did you bother saving me?"//  
  
"Oh for the love of Mike! You are not stupid, Zechs Merquise, or Milliardo Peacecraft, or whatever the hell you want t' call yourself! Nor are you evil! Why won't we give up on you? Because we saved your bloody arse, that's why! We put our lives, and the life of our daughter, on the line, t' save your life! And we will not allow you t' ruin that by just givin' up and dyin! Do you understand me?" Shawn yelled.  
  
His eyes were blazing, as Shawn continued in a somewhat quieter voice, "You want t' atone for what you did? Fine. You can start by payin' us back. We saved your life. . .you owe us. You owe it t' us t' fight, t' stay alive. . .t' atone for the mistakes you made, whether as a member of Oz, or as part of White Fang. You. . .owe. . .us. And I will make damn sure that you pay up."  
  
Shawn's voice dropped to just above a whisper, his blue-gray eyes burning into Zechs. The younger man just stared back. He wasn't entirely sure why, but he could handle Shawn. Perhaps because they were both soldiers, warriors, whatever Shawn wanted to call himself. They weren't that different from each other.  
  
No, it was Talia who un-nerved Zechs. That tiny slip of a woman who seemed to see right through to his soul. She knew exactly what he was thinking, how he felt about his father's death. He didn't feel threatened by her, no. There was nothing threatening about her quiet strength, about the woman who patiently nursed him back to health. But she did un-nerve him.  
  
Perhaps that was revealed in his eyes, for Shawn shook his head and murmured, "Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Talia got under your skin, and I can't even get a flicker. Why is that? Because she's a woman? Or is it more elementary than that? Knowing that she remembers your family? Is that what sets us apart?"  
  
Zechs didn't answer, and Shawn sighed, "Fine. Just remember this. If you won't fight for yourself, for us, then think of this. Think of everyone who has ever cared for you. Your sister, that young lieutenant you kept callin' for in your sleep, Noin. Your parents. The men who served under you, who died t' protect you. Think about them. You give up now, and you'll have betrayed them."  
  
"I already have," Zechs answered harshly, his eyes snapping back to his now-unwelcome visitor, "I already have, don't you get it? I betrayed my sister, Noin. . .Otto, Walker, my parents, my heritage, everything I ever believed in, everything that ever meant anything to me, when I joined White Fang! Otto and Walker are both dead, as are my parents, and as for my sister and Noin. . .they're both both better off without me. Don't you understand? I'm trying to protect them! I nearly ruined both of their lives! They deserve better!"  
  
"You called both of those names while you were unconscious," Shawn returned, "Otto, and Walker. You kept crying out t' Otto in particular, tellin' him t' stop. I went back and reviewed the tapes we had pirated from various Oz ships durin' the war. Otto was killed while freein' the Sank Kingdom from Alliance rule, a rule that lasted for almost fifteen years."  
  
Zechs looked away. He remembered. He remembered all too well. He nearly died in Tallgeese during the first attempt to free the Sank Kingdom. The critically injured Otto took it upon himself to finish the job, since Zechs wasn't strong enough to master the Tallgeese on his first try. Already suffering from internal injuries, the young lieutenant died that day  
  
Shawn said softly, "I told you, I've listened t' those tapes. But what you didn't know is that I listened t' both of you. You and Otto. You could have done nothin,' Zechs. Otto made his choice. He chose t' spare you further pain. He chose t' die as a warrior, instead of in a hospital. And he would have died. It was his choice, Zechs. But this is yours."  
  
Zechs looked up at the older man, who continued, "You can either betray Otto's sacrifice and die now. Or you can redeem yourself, keep faith wi' him, and go on livin.' The choice is yours. Just understand. We all risked our lives t' save you and take care of you. We're gonna do our damnedest t' make sure that sacrifice wasn't in vain."  
  
Shawn sighed and added, "You know, Elene told me somethin' when I finally woke up and realized what I was doin.' I was like you, just like you. I didn't deserve t' live, I was unfit t' breathe. I was a monster. That's what you see when you look in the mirror, isn't it? A monster, a creature which doesn't deserve the gift of life." Zechs looked away, unable to refute it. He was right, of course. That was exactly how Zechs saw himself. He wasn't a soldier, or a warrior. Just. . .a monster.  
  
"You're wrong, though. You're anythin' but a monster. I suppose that's what our mission will be, once you've decided t' accept this second chance. Gettin' you t' believe that," Shawn observed and Zechs felt his lips twisting into a parody of a smile. That would be a mission worthy of Heero Yuy. That name brought back too many memories, however, and Zechs fought to bury the memories.  
  
Instead, he focused on Shawn. The older man said quietly, his blue- gray eyes steady on Zechs' face, "Elene told me somethin' very important. She told me that it's not what you've done that matters. What matters, Zechs, is what you will do. What you will do t' atone for your past sins. . .and what you will do from this day forward. Think about that." He gave Zechs' shoulder a gentle squeeze, then left the cabin.  
  
Zechs closed his eyes, leaning back. His chest hurt, his body hurt. His soul hurt. But deep inside his heart, he recognized the truth of what Shawn said. Despite everything, despite the mistakes he made, despite his transgressions against humanity as the leader of White Fang, he was given a second chance at life. Somehow, someway, he had to atone for what he did. He had to make things right. He could do that for Relena and Noin by staying out of their lives. He remained convinced about that. If he returned to earth, if they found out he was still alive, he would just ruin things for them. For their own safety, they had to believe he was dead.  
  
He was given this extraordinary second chance in space, and in space he would take that chance. Out here, he would rebuild his shattered life, his shattered soul. Not for his own sake, but for the sake of those who sacrificed so much. Otto, Walker, his father, to name just a few. The Malloys, who *had* put their lives on the line to save him. And maybe, in time, he would do it for himself. Zechs doubted that. . .at this moment, he didn't believe that was possible.  
  
But for now. . .for now, he would rest. He was so, very tired. Zechs closed his eyes, almost melting into the sheets which surrounded his body. The adrenaline high caused by his arguments with Talia and Shawn was ending, leaving him exhausted. He sighed quietly, grimacing unconsciously at the pain caused by the motion, then drifted off to sleep.  
  
. . .  
  
"I was thinking it might be overkill, but maybe not," Talia murmured as she listened to the conversation between her husband and Zechs. Just before she left the med-cabin, she flicked on the intercom. Just in case Zechs needed her. Ciara looked up from the book she was reading, and Talia continued, "I know, you think it's cheating, but. . ." Ciara sat up, shaking her light brown hair from her eyes.  
  
"It doesn't matter what I think," she said somewhat peevishly, "it doesn't seem to matter to Zechs that he's being stupid. Daddy's trying to make him stay alive by being nasty. And you're listening to the conversation. Honestly!" Talia hid her smile. She knew how her daughter would react to something like that. But. . .  
  
"Well," she pointed out reasonably, "It's like this, honey. I turned on the intercom, in case Zechs needed me. I wasn't planning on listening to your father's conversation with him. But, since the monitor was already on, I figured I should use it, in case your father went too far. After all, we want to keep Zechs alive, we don't want him reinjuring himself by taking a swing at your father." Ciara looked at her, her blue-gray eyes widening with shock.  
  
But before she had a chance to speak, Shawn re-entered the kitchen, saying, "I heard that, Natalia. And I wasn't that bad." Talia grinned and tapped the toe-end of her boots against the bars of the chair. Shawn glared at her, added, "I wasn't! Although, it got temptin' t' hit him. I'm beginnin' t' understand why Elene got so exasperated wi' me."  
  
Now Talia did laugh, answering, "Duh." Shawn glared at her again, and Talia said more seriously, "So, do you think you got through to him?" Shawn didn't answer immediately, sitting down beside his daughter. Talia took that time to leave her own seat for a cup of coffee, making a mental note to herself to take Ciara shopping for new clothes the next time they were on one of the colonies. The preteen was quickly losing patience with wearing Talia's hand-me-downs.  
  
At last, Shawn answered, "I think so, yah. He's not a stupid lad, but he's stubborn. And he's in pain. That factor alone. . .that kind of pain. . .I'm still tryin' t' figure out how he managed t' keep his sanity as long as he did. Especially under the tutelage of first Treize Khushrenada, then Quinze Barton. Just among the three of us, I don't know who of those two were more insane."  
  
"Moot point. They're both dead. Let the dead bury their dead, Shawn, and we'll take care of live, soul-wounded boys," Talia replied. Shawn looked at her inquiringly, and Talia continued, "Hey, I know he's twenty years old, but I remember him when he was six years old. To me, he's still a kid. Ten years can make a world of difference, Shawn."  
  
"So can five," Shawn muttered, then yelped as Talia threw a sponge at him. He went on, "So, now we wait. Oh, I'm fairly certain I got through t' him. So, we wait now for him t' make the decision for himself. T' live for himself, instead of the sake of another who is already dead." Talia nodded. Yes, but in the meantime, they would undertake that mission Shawn spoke of.  
  
It was Ciara, however, who said, "And while we're waiting for him to make that decision, we start teaching him that he's not really a monster." Talia nodded, smiling at her step-daughter. Yes. Ciara responded with an answering smile, a one-hundred eight from her previous sullen expression, and added, "All for one, one for all!"  
  
Talia burst out laughing, and Shawn rolled his eyes as he pushed himself closer to the table, his hand covering the hand which his daughter had stretched out. He muttered as Talia followed suit, "That is the LAST time I'm lettin' you t' stay up late t' watch any of the Musketeers movies!" Talia almost fell off the chair, she was laughing so hard.  
  
And it wasn't even really funny. But emotions have a way of catching up with you when you least expect it. . .and Talia's pent-up anxiety, her suppressed memories, needed an outlet of some kind. This was no worse than others, and certainly better. As she put her hand over those of her husband and daughter, she managed to compose herself and say, "Yes. . .yes, all for one, and one for all." 


	3. Eyes of Mercy

Here is the next part in the Resurrection Cycle, 'Eyes of Mercy.' The ones to follow are 'The Great Divide,' 'Blood-Stained Memories' and 'Mission: Recovery.' Those three will be stand-alones.  
  
Dreamweavr: Thank you. . .I'm glad to hear it. I especially am pleased that it is different. I don't like doing things which have been done repeatedly.  
  
Mon: (laughs) That's the general idea. Most of the Zechs fans I've talked to over the last few years often wanted to shake him or smack him, even as they wanted to hug him and tell him that everything would be all right. And with the amount of encouragement I've received, I will post all the stories which are written.  
  
Sabersonic: Absolutely, I will post the rest of the stories. If I recall, only two stories actually ended up being posted. . .or very few. I have a total of seven or eight.  
  
Karina: I'll post the entire Resurrection Cycle, the stories that were written, as well as a few that don't exactly go anywhere. And who knows? Maybe I'll finally get around to writing those last few stories. I've been distracted by the other fandoms I've been working on.  
  
Eyes of Mercy  
  
It was a quiet Sunday afternoon, almost six weeks after the final battle between Epyon and Wing Zero. On earth, the Malloy family would have been in the living room of their home, the sunlight streaming in through bay windows. They probably would have just arrived home from Mass maybe an hour earlier, since Shawn was a Catholic. Shawn would have probably been reading the paper, muttering under his breath about whatever was going on during this time of armistice. Perhaps the delays in bringing the war criminals from the White Fang to justice. Ciara would have been lying on the floor, giggling at the comics.  
  
Talia didn't know where she would have been. And in the end, it didn't matter, since they weren't on earth. So, she was itemizing each piece they stripped from Epyon when they rescued Zechs Merquise six weeks earlier. In a few days, they would reach L2, where they often traded. At the least, they would be able to buy a better vessel. And at most. . .well, who knew? Talia sighed, swiping her dark curls back from her face. //I need to get this cut properly this time,// she thought, //instead of doing it myself. Put it on the list of things to do while we're at the colony, along with getting Ciara some new clothes.//  
  
Ciara was with Zechs. He made steady improvement during the last six weeks. It wasn't his physical health which concerned Talia, but his emotional and mental. There was still a terrible sadness in his eyes. Ciara was the perfect antidote to Zechs' bouts with melancholy. He still hadn't accepted the second chance at life he received. But he wasn't trying to kill himself, either. Directly, or indirectly. He was eating, and sleeping, exercising. He lost some muscle tone with the weeks he spent in bed after the explosion of the Libra.  
  
She still heard him say that he caused the self-destruction, rather than allow Heero Yuy to do it, because the younger pilot was more pure than he was. Yeah. Right. As if. Purity had nothing to do with survival, as she well knew from her own life experience. If purity of heart, purity of soul, purity of body, had anything to do with survival, she would have died a long time ago. And Petyr would still be alive. He was pure when he died. Just a child.  
  
Still, any kind of progress was a good thing. He was still insisting that his sister and Lucrezia Noin were better off without him. Foolish, foolish boy. It took little on Talia's part to realize how Zechs felt about the girl Lucrezia, to realize that he loved her deeply. She was nearby, piloting the MS which broadcast the battle between Epyon and Wing Zero. Talia was sure Lucrezia loved Zechs as well. It made her a little sad.  
  
They loved each other. They belonged together. Oh, they were both still young, but Talia also knew how little that meant. When you were young, you believed you could live forever. That you were invincible. Zechs no longer believed that, after escaping death twice. He was strong. . .but he wasn't immortal.  
  
Thinking of the pair drew Talia's mind to her own marriage. It was always platonic, and until recently, it never occurred to her to want something more. Things just. . .were. She knew Shawn only married her to give Ciara a mother figure. She was so young when Elene died. And Shawn's personal code demanded that he marry Talia, to protect her reputation. Never mind that it was just the three of them. That was just how Shawn was.  
  
But he didn't love her. Not like that. Oh, she knew he loved her, but it was more like Zechs' love for his sister Relena. Or her own love for Petyr. Shawn loved Elene, would always love Elene. And until the last several months, that was all right with Talia. She was happy with her life, she had Ciara, and she and Shawn were good friends. The very best of friends. What else would she want?  
  
She remembered her parents' passionless marriage. There were times, once Talia's teenaged libido awakened, when the girl wondered how her parents produced one child, much less two. She knew from random remarks her mother made that theirs was an arranged marriage. She also knew that her mother envied Katerina Peacecraft for her love match. So, this platonic marriage, this marriage of convenience, seemed normal to her. The first time she had any inkling that things could be different came from Raoul and Katerina Peacecraft, as short-lived as that example was. Then Shawn and Elene. But that was different. That was for other people. Not someone like her. Someone damaged.  
  
Talia didn't know what changed her mind, what changed her during the last six months. Perhaps it was her discovery that she was approaching thirty. That she was married to a man who didn't desire her. A discovery that bothered her for the first time since the first year of their marriage. She was so young when they married, had unrealistic expectations. The first time she tried to touch Shawn, tried to be his wife, quickly reminded her that he only married her to protect her reputation and provide Ciara with a mother figure. Talia cringed, even now. But she dealt with the mortification, and taught herself to accept the status quo.  
  
Until recently. And yes, it began about six months earlier. But it became even worse during the last six weeks. Now, Shawn was no longer the only man aboard their ship. Oh, yes, Zechs was a twenty year old boy, ten years younger than she was. But he was handsome, and gentle, and vulnerable. And the way he looked at Talia when he thought no one was looking took her breath away. Passion and tenderness collided in looks such as those.  
  
No one ever looked at Talia like that before. And she never let on that she saw Zechs looking at her like that. It would have mortified him. She knew he would have considered it less than honorable. She was the wife of another, the wife of a man who helped to save his life. No, that couldn't be permitted. Especially given the intensity of his feelings for Lucrezia, made all the more intense by his denial of those feelings.  
  
Be that as it may. At the age of thirty, Talia Malloy found herself coming alive. Feeling things she hadn't felt in almost fifteen years. It was becoming more and more difficult for her to accept her place in Shawn's life. To not want more. With a muffled curse, Talia forced herself to get back to work. This was insane. Just insane.  
  
"I have more than I deserve," she muttered to herself, remembering a smoky, blood-drenched day in the Sank Kingdom, "I'm alive, I'm married to a man who cares about and respects me. I have Ciara. What the hell am I thinking, reacting this way to that boy? He's just a child! I'm losing my mind."  
  
However, Talia knew she was being unjust to Zechs. He wasn't a child at all. He was very young, and in some ways, he was still growing up. But his childhood ended when hers did, on the same day her brother's very life ended. Which didn't ease the ache she felt, deep inside. How could she fight these feelings? She never felt that kind of a gaze on her, even though she knew Zechs was just grateful to her for saving his life. That was all it could be, she told herself now, as gloriously handsome as he was, how could he look at someone like her twice?  
  
She was no one special. Just the woman who helped to save his life. And, she was damaged goods. Zechs was just a boy, and Shawn was a good man. They both deserved better. Shawn deserved another woman like Elene, and Zechs deserved his Lucrezia. Period.  
  
. . .  
  
"I dunno, do you want to go with us? To the colony, I mean. Mom told me that she'd take me shopping for new clothes while Daddy is selling the salvage pieces," Ciara chattered. Zechs smiled, looking at his young companion. She was so excited. Zechs couldn't remember the last time he felt that kind of excitement. For that matter, he couldn't even remember being this. . .innocent when he was twelve years old. He didn't know anyone this innocent when he was Ciara's age. She seemed so very old and so very young to him at the same time.  
  
No, he could remember no such excitement. If he did have such a memory, it was buried under the years of pain and guilt and self-loathing. Zechs shook his head, knowing that he was in danger of self-destructing. No way to pay back the Malloy family's generosity. Ciara continued, "Mom says she's gonna get her hair cut, maybe after we get some new clothes for me. Dad's gonna sell the parts from the Epyon. I wish you were awake when they blew up the rest of Epyon. It was pretty cool."  
  
She stopped, staring at him suddenly, then asked, "Are you all right, Zechs? I know I'm rattling on, but you haven't said much ever since you woke up. Are you feeling all right?" Zechs just smiled at the girl and leaned his head back. He wondered if Relena was like this when she was twelve years old. Yes, she was Ciara's age when he rescued her from the abduction attempt, but. . .that had been a brief moment.  
  
"I'm fine," he answered, "Just have little to say. Thinking a lot. But I've been listening." Ciara just stared at him sadly, and Zechs asked, "Now what's bothering you, Miss Ciara? I promised your father and mother than I wouldn't try to. . .do anything that would negate the risks you've taken on my behalf."  
  
Ciara scowled at him and replied, "You mean you promised Dad that you wouldn't try to kill yourself, that you would make yourself strong again. You didn't say anything about being sad. You're sad all the time, Zechs, and Mom says it's not good. She says that being sad makes you more. . .more. . .well, it makes it harder for you to get well."  
  
"I'm not sad when I'm with you, Ciara," Zechs answered, reaching over to take her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. It was true, too. He felt. . .lighter when he was spending time with Ciara. And then there was the guilt factor as well. When she felt that he was sad, it made Ciara sad as well. And he didn't want to cause this beautiful child any more pain.  
  
Ciara beamed, her smile seeming to further brighten the room. She returned the pressure on his hand, saying, "Good. I'm glad about that. Mom said that I could help you get better, but I didn't believe her. Well, yeah, I got out the med-kit when we brought you aboard, and I helped to get the med-cabin set up, but Mom's done all the work." Zechs bit down on his lower lip. He hadn't had much experience with girls like Ciara, but his instincts told him not to laugh at her observation. The girl continued curiously, "Zechs, how come you chose that name? Mom told me that your real, full name is Milliardo Julian Peacecraft."  
  
Zechs cringed a little at the girl's pronouncement of his full name. He wondered for the umpteenth time why his parents named him 'Milliardo.' However, it wasn't important now. He replied, "Because I knew my father wouldn't approve of the path I believed was necessary after he and my mother were killed. I had to avenge him, and my mother, and everything that was destroyed when the Sank Kingdom fell. I had to become a soldier, or so I believed. I knew how my father felt about war. So, in order to protect the Peacecraft name, I took the name 'Zechs Merquise,' and started a new life for myself."  
  
"I understand that," Ciara said impatiently, with what Talia called her patented 'well, duh' look. Zechs bit his lip even harder and Ciara went on, "Mom told me all that, but I still think it's silly. You're still you, you're still the son of Raoul and Katerina Peacecraft, no matter which name you use. But what I mean is, why did you chose 'Zechs Merquise' for your new name? Mom says that 'Merquise' is really close to 'Marquise,' which is sort of your other title." Zechs stared at the girl in amazement.  
  
He knew Talia spent time in the Sank Kingdom, knew his family. He still didn't know how she knew about them, but she did. And obviously, she shared a large portion of her knowledge with her step-daughter. However, he replied, "And how does your mother explain my choice of given names?"  
  
"WELL, according to Mom, 'sechs' is the German word for 'six,' which is how old you were when the Sank Kingdom was attacked. But that doesn't make sense, 'cause the Sank Kingdom was. . .isn't, I mean, isn't in Germany. So. . .why?" Ciara asked. Zechs didn't know how to react. Was there something about him which Talia didn't know, or hadn't guessed? //Never mind,// he thought, //I don't want to know.//  
  
He replied slowly, "Well, your mother is right. And I chose 'Zechs,' because as a child I learned to speak German." There were other, more involved reasons. Reasons which would invoke Treize Khushrenada, but Zechs didn't want to bring him into the conversation. Didn't want that shadow to fall across this innocent girl. Ciara drew in a breath, as if to ask another question, but the door slid open.  
  
"Ciara, I need you t' do me a favor, acushla. Sorry, Zechs, but I need t' borrow my daughter for a few hours," Shawn said, entering the med- cabin. He leaned against the wall, smiling at them both. Ciara closed her mouth with a snap, and glanced at Zechs with a long-suffering sigh. Zechs bit back a laugh, and smiled at her sympathetically instead, and Shawn continued, his eyes twinkling with amusement, "You can finish this later. . .c'mon, m'girl!"  
  
The youngster rose to her feet and sighed, "I'll be back later, Zechs. Be good." Zechs nodded. . .and was thoroughly shocked when Ciara leaned over and kissed him rather daringly on the lips. The young man stared at her in shock, as the immensely-pleased girl bounded from the room. The shock turned to embarrassment, and Zechs felt himself blushing rather fiercely.  
  
Too fiercely to speak. Shawn just looked at him and said, "She did the kissin,' I saw. Just make sure that you don't reciprocate." He didn't say anything more. He didn't need to. Shawn left without another word, and Zechs sank back against his pillows. //Oooh boy. Now just how,// he wondered, //do I deal with this?//  
  
. . .  
  
Ciara was feeling very pleased with herself as she bounded out of the cabin, and she wasn't even concerned about how her father would react to her kissing Zechs. He wouldn't blame Zechs, she knew that. So, she concentrated on other things. Like, her feelings for him. Over the last few weeks, as Zechs regained his strength, she noticed him making more of an effort when she was around. Trying not to be sad. Ciara was glad about that. She didn't want him to be sad, didn't want him to believe that he wasn't worth saving.  
  
It seemed to Ciara that she always knew about Zechs Merquise. Neither of her parents ever supported Oz, or the Alliance. In fact, those two organizations prevented the family from returning to Earth recently. Daddy muttered darkly about tyranny taking different names, but wearing the same face.  
  
Five years earlier, when Ciara was seven, she heard the name Zechs Merquise for the first time. Mom was listening to the feeds from Earth, frowning thoughtfully. Daddy wasn't silent, denouncing the Specials, particularly their twenty year old leader Treize Khushrenada. Ciara couldn't remember why her father hadn't liked the young colonel. . .just that he didn't.  
  
A dislike which continued to the end of the general's life a few weeks earlier, even though General Khrushrenada was leading the force to protect the Earth. While Ciara thought White Fang was dumb for saying the Earth was to blame for everything, she was nonetheless fascinated with Zechs. . .or Milliardo.  
  
It was a confusing time for Ciara, who saw things as black and white. She asked her mother who was right, and who was wrong. Were the colonies evil, or was Earth? Her mother sighed sadly, answering, "Neither, Ciara Rose. They just have different ideas about what should be done to ensure lasting peace. White Fang doesn't even represent all of the colonies. Oh, the colonies want to be left in peace, but they don't accept White Fang as their savior."  
  
"And the Earth? I know Queen Relena is Commander Peacecraft's sister. Is she wrong? Does everyone on Earth feel as she does?" Ciara asked. There was a brief moment of pain in her mother's eyes, which Ciara hadn't understood at the time. Now, she did. Now, she knew that her mother knew both Commander Peacecraft and his sister when they were children. But until their rescue of Zechs, Mom never talked about her past, about her life on Earth.  
  
"No, baby, they don't. That's part of what caused this. It's a long story, but there are always two sides to a story. I can't tell you why Commander Peacecraft joined up with White Fang. I can tell you what Howard thinks of him," her mother replied. Howard was one of the creators of the gundams, and a long-time associate of Ciara's parents.  
  
There was another feed then, interrupting the conversation, the feed of the battle between Heero Yuy and Zechs Merquise/Milliardo Peacecraft. A battle which was transmitted through the efforts of another pilot. And Ciara's mother fell silent, her eyes glued to the screen. Ciara's own attention was divided between the battle and her mother's face. She looked worried. No. She looked frightened.  
  
Her mother wasn't the only one who was frightened. Ever since their rescue of Zechs, Ciara's world was turned upside down, and inside out. Everything she ever believed was called into question. The only thing she knew for certain, aside from her parents' love for her, was that she was falling in love with Zechs Merquise.  
  
. . .  
  
Monotonous work had its pluses, and its minuses. In the minus category, it gave a person entirely too much time to think. In the plus category, it also gave that person time to refocus. That was why Talia chose not to hurry over her work. There was plenty of time until they reached the colony. And she needed all of that time.  
  
After she itemized the spare parts and re-worked the inventory accordingly, Talia stopped long enough in her cabin to wash up, making a mental note to remind Shawn about dumping the tanks. And to send an email to Howard, to make sure her old friend wasn't on the colony when they arrived. She didn't think any of them could handle the fall-out from a possible encounter between Howard and Zechs.  
  
When she felt human again, she continued to Zechs' cabin. He improved during the last few weeks. While Talia saw to his physical health, Ciara saw to his emotional and mental. Talia thought it was too bad they didn't have a priest aboard, then she remembered the last time she encountered a priest, and decided they could do without.  
  
Talia found Zechs sitting up in bed and reading, a slight grimace giving away the way his ribs still pained him. No surprise there. After the way he was tossed around in Epyon after the explosion, Talia was sure his ribs would be healing for some time to come. His internal injuries were healing as well as could be expected, since he was picked up by a salvage vessel instead of a medical transport.  
  
"I hear my daughter kissed you before she left to help Shawn," Talia said softly. Zechs looked up, frowning, and Talia sat down in her customary chair, adding, "I knew it was just a matter of time before she did something like that. She's had a crush on you for years." Zechs blinked, obviously surprised, and Talia tried not to laugh at his reaction.  
  
The desire to laugh vanished as Zechs worried, "How do I react to this, Talia? I don't want to break her heart, but she's only twelve years old. She's younger than my sister, I think of her as a little sister. Get me a mobile doll to blast, and I'm fine. I have no idea how to treat a girl who has a crush on me!" Something which really shouldn't have surprised Talia, but for some reason, it did.  
  
//And reacting to her, as you would react to Lucrezia, is not an option, is it?// Talia thought. She said softly, "Zechs, I know you don't want to encourage her. . .and I know you don't want to ignore her. Finding a middle ground has never been easy for you, has it? You were intense even as a little boy."  
  
Zechs opened his mouth, obviously to ask her about that, and Talia continued, "Here's what I suggest. Treat her as you would Relena, or would have treated Relena if you were given an honest chance to be her older brother. Oh, she won't be happy about being viewed as a little sister. But Zechs, the alternatives are far worse. And no matter what happens, Ciara will be hurt. There's nothing you can do about that. The only thing you can do is let her down gently."  
  
"Oh, I'm very good at letting people down, at disappointing them. I've been doing it my entire life," Zechs said bitterly. Talia kept her hand at her side, though it itched to slap him hard across the face. It wouldn't do any good. The young man closed his eyes, muttering, "I don't know how to do this gently! I've been given a chance to stop hurting people, and the first test that comes along. . ."  
  
"Is an impossible one, Zechs. I told you. There is nothing you can do that won't hurt Ciara in some way or another. That is not your responsibility. Your responsibility is the way you hurt her. You have one of three choices. You can encourage her, and set her up to have her heart shattered into a thousand pieces. You can ignore her, and behave like a total jerk. Or you can be her friend, her older brother," Talia replied, "and honestly, the third is the kindest, the most honest."  
  
She smiled faintly and continued, "But honesty has never been a problem for you, has it? Oh, sure, you concealed your identity behind that damn mask. And you pretended to be part of the Alliance, when you were really planning its takeover. You're still an essentially honest person, in spite of both those deceptions. You know, I was so angry with you, Zechs, when you were unveiled, so to speak, as the new leader of the White Fang. I heard. . .murmurings. . .the last time I was on one of the colonies, and what I heard about Quinze Barton frightened me. So, when I realized you joined up with him after the Sank Kingdom fell again. . .I knew everyone was in trouble."  
  
She paused, leaned forward almost confidentially, and continued, "I was so angry with you, Zechs. I couldn't understand what had happened to you, what could have possibly hurt you so badly that you would do such a thing. And I wondered if there was anything that could save you. There was. I realized that after Treize Khushrenada challenged to that duel, remember? And how you answered?"  
  
She could see from his expression that he did remember, and Talia went on, "It was then that you began to redeem yourself to me, Zechs. As foolish as it may sound, it was then that I began to believe that the sweet prince whom I remembered from the Sank Kingdom might still exist under all the anger and bitterness. That was when I knew you could be saved. Because you knew that such a duel was folly."  
  
"But. . ." Zechs began, and Talia shook her head. No. She wasn't finished yet. She categorized and labeled the parts from Epyon for several hours, and she thought a great deal about that day. It was really the first time she had a chance to think since their rescue. First time she had a chance to sort through her reaction to the battles and tragedies of the day.  
  
"That's not all, Zechs. We watched all of the feeds about the battle. I downloaded the communications from Epyon. You tried to kill Treize Khushrenada, would have killed him if Lady Une hadn't arrived to protect him. Would have, could have. . .but you didn't. No matter what we feel about Treize Khushrenada, especially Shawn, I will always be grateful to Lady Une for saving his life. In doing so, she helped to save your soul," Talia replied in a soft voice.  
  
She paused, touched his cheek gently, and added, "And. . .I've been talking with Howard." The blue eyes flew back to her face, and Talia said, "No, he doesn't know you're still alive. He's not real good at lying, and he'd want to tell your sister and Lucrezia Noin. We've known Howard for years. He's a good man."  
  
"I betrayed him, too," Zechs said in a hollow voice, "he was my friend. He took care of me, and I betrayed him." Talia looked at him sadly. This was something that he would have to work through on his own. But there was one bit of comfort which she could offer him, comfort which she found in her conversation with Howard.  
  
"Yes, you did. But I think Howard can forgive you. Once you tell him everything. Once you apologize. Once you explain what happened to the serious, but fair young man he knew," Talia said gently. She paused, then continued, "You never stopped being the Lightning Count, Zechs. In your own twisted way, you were still trying to bring about justice. You just went about it the wrong way."  
  
"I'm not ready to face him, Talia. I'm too weak," he said softly. She knew he was talking about physical and emotional weakness. But he was right. He wasn't ready. However, at least he was thinking about Howard, as well as his sister and Lucrezia Noin. And, he was more willing to speak with Howard. That boded well for a future meeting with his sister and her bodyguard. Zechs was silent for several moments, then he asked, "What of you? Do you still have family on Earth?"  
  
She understood what he was asking. But she answed the question which was directly asked, saying, "I haven't seen my family in almost fifteen years. I don't know if they're alive or dead. If they're in the same place, I'm sure they're alive. If not. . .who knows." Zechs looked away, and Talia sighed.  
  
"But I forgive you, Zechs. I forgive you for what you did, for firing the cannon at Earth. And I forgive you for what you would have done, for what you could have done. Would have, could have. In the end, you saved Earth. You helped to take out the Libra before it hit the earth. That's what counts. Not would have, could have. What you actually did," she told him in a quiet voice.  
  
"It can't be that easy. Not after everything I did wrong. Everything I touched somehow went bad. And shouldn't Ciara be angry with me, too? Why doesn't she care that I tried to destroy the earth?" Zechs murmured, shaking his head. Talia sighed again. She would need time to break through his belief that he was bad. In some ways, he was still the six year old child she remembered.  
  
//That's not fair, though,// she thought, //after King Raoul and Queen Katerina died, who taught him about forgiveness and second chances? Who loved him?// There was only one person, whom she knew of, and not even Lucrezia Noin could have taught him about forgiveness. She was the same age he was, and he needed that lesson from someone older and wiser, preferably a parent.  
  
Talia was ten years older than Zechs. . .not old enough to be his mother. But she was old enough to be viewed as a much older sister. //Petyr,// she thought again, //this is for you, my sweet little brother. This is for you.// Then Talia turned her attention back to the present and said softly, "If it isn't that easy, Z, it's not forgiveness. Forgiveness can't be bought or sold with the cost of one's blood. It's freely given."  
  
Zechs looked up, startled by her observation. . .and the nickname. Talia smiled at him faintly, then continued, "Yes, you earn trust. But that's separate. And peace, true peace, must be attained. But forgiveness is given. Like love. I've given you my forgiveness. That's a start, isn't it? At the very least, it's a place to start."  
  
He looked at her, smiled weakly, then nodded. It was a beginning. Talia continued, "You asked why Ciara isn't angry with you. I won't say she was happy about the events of the Eve War. She was confused. She. . .there's nothing that ties her to the earth. Her mother is dead, everything she's ever known has been in outer space. Shawn's parents are dead, as are Elene's. When you threatened the earth, it simply didn't mean anything to her."  
  
She could tell from Zechs' expression that it never occurred to him. But as he considered what she told him, Talia saw comprehension dawning in his pale blue eyes. She went on, changing the subject, "I want you to think about something else. We'll reach the colony in a few days. Shawn flies faster than he lets on. I let him think that I don't notice, but I do. I want you to leave the ship with us."  
  
Zechs started to protest, but Talia continued, "I want you to think about coming with us. Not as Zechs Merquise, or as Milliardo Peacecraft. Shawn and I have been talking about this. You'll have a disguise of some kind. But you need to get off this ship for a little while. You must be getting restless."  
  
He was, she could see it in his eyes. He didn't want to admit it, even to himself, but now that she said the words, he didn't have to hide any more. He said softly, "I am. I didn't want you to think I was ungrateful. I know what you and Shawn have risked by saving me, by taking care of me." Talia nodded. She had a feeling he would say that. That was why she brought it up. Further, Talia sensed she would often need to initiate these. . .projects.  
  
For now, she just squeezed his hand gently and replied, "It isn't a lack of gratitude. I know how boring it can get. Now. I've been thinking about this, and the first thing we have to do is figure out a way to change your hair. Now don't look at me like that, I wasn't gonna suggest cutting it. But. . .something has to be done. And I've already suggested to Shawn that we call you 'Zach' in public. It's close enough to your name, so you remember it easily."  
  
"And it's different enough not to raise any suspicions," Zechs concluded and Talia bobbed her head. Exactly. Zechs was silent for several moments, then asked, "You promise not to cut my hair? Strange as it may sound, I like it the way it is." He sounded like a five year old, trying to ascertain if an adult was being honest with him.  
  
Talia struggled against a smile, aware that she was treating him as if he was Ciara's age, and said, "Pinky promise, Julian." Again, he opened his mouth, presumably to ask about her connection to the Sank Kingdom, but she smiled and said, "All in the fullness of time, my dear Zechs, all in the fullness of time. In the meantime, get some rest. We'll be running you around on the colony, and you'll need your energy for that."  
  
She knew that Zechs was improving. Day by day, she saw more and more signs of life from the young man. A smile that lasted a few seconds longer, a question he would ask Shawn. His shy request earlier that week to eat dinner with them. Small things, which meant nothing and everything at the same time. But until she teasingly told him to get some rest, she hadn't realized how far he came. The usually serious young man responded to her dig by sticking his tongue out at her. Talia gaped, then burst out laughing. Zechs blushed, but grinned, looking almost pleased with himself. Talia patted his shoulder and said, "We'll make a regular person out of you yet, Peacecraft, just you wait!" She leaned over and kissed the top of his head.  
  
He smiled shyly up at her, his eyes dropping briefly to her chest, before returning to her eyes. Talia didn't let on that she saw the motion of his eyes. Besides. She was flattered. Just because she didn't have anything there for him to see, at least he looked. //Oh gods, Natasha,// she groaned to herself, //get your mind out of the gutter!// But she smiled brightly and left the room, still chuckling at his unexpected response. Once she was outside once more, she took a deep breath. This was not gonna work. Either she got herself under control, or she took a long, cold shower. The latter was a distinct possibility.  
  
She pushed herself off the wall, trying to itemize all the things she had to do before they reached the colony the following day. Unfortunately, she didn't have time to email the appropriate people about opening the house for them, so Talia focused her attention on that, instead. Years earlier, to give Ciara some sense of stability, Shawn bought a house on L2. It was the American colony, and it was his hope that it would give his daughter a sense of her mother. Elene, that is, not Talia. They often returned to their house, a little cottage with four rooms. Perfect. Zechs would have his own room.  
  
Talia laughed at herself. Her smile died as she thought about the pictures which were strewn about the house, pictures of herself when she was still a teenager. As yet, Zechs hadn't recognized her, but she had a feeling he would once he saw those pictures. //I'll just have to take care of that first thing,// Talia resolved. She had her mission now, her focus.  
  
. . .  
  
//You have got to get yourself under control, Merquise,// Zechs berated himself, //Talia didn't notice this time, but it's only a matter of time.// His face burned. He still couldn't believe he did something so. . .crass as to look at a woman's breasts! He wasn't a child, for heaven's sake, he knew about the relations between men and women. Or men and men. Or. . .ENOUGH!  
  
He flopped back against the pillows, for once not caring about the pain which would result from the careless action. In fact, he welcomed the pain, it would take his mind off. . .other pain. To say nothing of his mortification. Talia was a married woman, for heaven's sake! Married, with a young daughter. . .all right, so Ciara wasn't actually her child. The point was, she was a married woman, married to the man who pulled his sorry ass out of space, and Zechs wouldn't be so callous of that.  
  
He sighed, closing his eyes. He wasn't even sure when it began. Oh, he noticed Talia right away. While she didn't have the heart-stopping beauty of Lucrezia Noin (//Noin,// he thought wistfully), or the childish loveliness of his sister, Talia had something else. He couldn't define it. Couldn't put a name to it.  
  
It was a combination of vulnerability, strength, wisdom and innocence. Or. . .not even innocence. Her eyes told him that she saw things not even he did. But in spite of whatever she endured, she never allowed it to break her spirit. She could still laugh, could still behave like a young girl if the circumstances allowed. She was compassionate, but she could be tough on him when she chose. Talia seemed determined to make him understand that he couldn't assume all of the blame for the last war. //Why not,// he asked her about a week earlier, //when I'm the one who declared war on earth? I'm the one who was prepared to destroy it.//  
  
//True,// she answered, //but you didn't create the situation. You didn't create the climate. That blame can be spread around. Oz, Romefeller, White Fang, your sister.// Zechs started to protest, that none of this was Relena's fault, but Talia stared at him with those dark hazel eyes which seemed to see through to his very soul and said, //She let Romefeller have your country without much of a fight. That's why you went to White Fang, wasn't it?//  
  
//I made the decision to join White Fang. . .no one else, Talia,// Zechs countered. He felt his blood rising. And then she smiled at him, as if he just won her argument for her, and he realized that she was trying to aggravate him on purpose. He sighed and Talia's smile broadened. Damn the woman. She was going to get him into a full-fledged argument yet, and she would probably love every second of it. She was bringing him back to life in spite of himself. What was worse, Zechs realized that he wasn't ready to die yet.  
  
//I know that,// she answered, //but I made my point. I can goad you, Zechs, and you don't even realize it. You're still fighting, whether you admit it or not. You're still fighting, and you want to live. Now. I meant what I said. There's plenty of blame to go around. You have broad shoulders, true, but you aren't Atlas.//  
  
Zechs smiled ruefully at the reference to the ancient Greek legend, the man who held Earth on his shoulders. Talia continued, //Just like the fall of the Sank Kingdom. The first time, I mean. There was plenty of blame to go around.// Zechs started to protest, and Talia looked at him sadly, adding, //I know a bit more about it than you do, Zechs. I was sixteen. You were six.//  
  
And unfortunately, remembering their arguments did little to cool his blood. If anything, it stirred his libido further. He remembered his debates with Noin at Lake Victoria, when they were still cadets. //Noin would like Talia,// he thought, then shook his head. No. He wouldn't think like that. He missed Noin keenly, and his groin felt tight enough as it was. Thinking about his long-time friend would make matters worse.  
  
Unfortunately, that turned his mind right back to Talia. Yes, she was tough and compassionate. Silly and sassy. And whether Zechs wanted to admit to himself or not, he was a twenty year old male. With his second brush with death, his hormones seemed to have awakened, and Talia was the only viable female on board. Ciara. . .ah, no. She was younger than Relena, and Zechs had his share of faults. Child molesting wasn't among them.  
  
He thought of Alicia Remington, the little girl aboard the Libra who was raped by a member of White Fang. Zechs hoped she was all right. He entrusted her to Noin's care, and Lucrezia Noin never let him down before. Another way Noin and Talia were alike. They were both so stable. Zechs groaned as his hormones kicked into high gear. Not again! Not this again!  
  
//I think,// he decided, purposely moving to jar his ribs, //that I really need to go with them when they reach the colony. Maybe being among other people will make things better.// That eased the tightness in his groin somewhat, and he slipped into a position that wasn't as painful. He sighed and closed his eyes. Maybe now he could get some rest.  
  
. . .  
  
"You know he's startin' t' develop a crush on you," Shawn said as Talia joined him in the cockpit. The bridge. Whatever the hell you wanted to call it. Talia raised an eyebrow and Shawn continued, "Zechs. Bit of a mess. Ciara has had a crush on him for years, he's developin' a crush on you. Could be trouble."  
  
"He's grateful to me, that's all. I'm ten years older than he is, Shawn," Talia answered, walking to the console. She sat down in front of their communications computer and logged in, then asked, "What is Howard's email on Earth? The Peacemillion was destroyed, and I can't remember if he has an account on L2."  
  
"Check my address book. . .you know I don't have a good memory for those things," Shawn advised and Talia nodded, connecting her account to Shawn's address book. He continued, "And you could pass for twenty-five. . .hell, you could pass for twenty-one at a distance. Don't try t' tell me that he's just grateful t' you. A man knows when another man has the hots for a woman."  
  
He was looking at her intently, his blue-gray eyes never leaving her face. Talia had the sense that Shawn wanted her to react in some way. But. . .she didn't know exactly what he wanted from her. And why it seemed so important to him. Their marriage was in name only, he was happy with that, he always wanted it like that. He couldn't possibly be jealous? Not that Talia would have broken her vows, but that wasn't the point. Why was Shawn so interested in her reaction to Zechs?  
  
Talia didn't answer. . .in addition to not knowing what to say, not knowing what Shawn wanted to hear, she was also busy typing up her email to Howard. She had to be very careful with this. . .so she settled on, 'Howard, it's the Malloy matriarch. We're heading to L2 for a brief vacation. Dodging White Fang and Oz kinda wore us out, so if you don't hear from us for a while, you know why. We're still among the living. Take care, old friend.'  
  
"Why are you tellin' him that we'll be on L2, if we don't want him t' encounter Zechs while we're there?" Shawn inquired. Talia didn't answer at first. She was accessing their housekeeper's email, to let her know that they would be arriving within the next few days. Shawn sighed, "And why are you emailin' Olga?"  
  
"So all four rooms are made up. It's generally considered courteous to let our housekeeper know when we'll be arriving. I don't think Olga would ever forgive us if we appeared without telling her. It's simply not done, Shawn. And I want her to put the pictures away, the ones from when I was a teenager," Talia answered finally. She sat back and looked at Shawn, adding, "And I'm telling Howard that we'll be on L2 as a defensive ploy. If he knows ahead of time that we're on L2, it's less likely to come as a surprise if we encounter him. If he's on L2 at the same time as we are. . .well, you know Howard. He won't be able to surprise us. And if he does want to meet up, we can control the circumstances."  
  
"In other words, meet him someplace while Zechs is restin' at home," Shawn observed and Talia nodded as she began typing her request to Olga in their native Russian. She eradicated her Russian accent from her speech, with help from Elene and the other Americans on L2, but she never forgot her language. Shawn continued, "Why don't you want Zechs t' see the pictures of you from when you were a teenager?"  
  
"Because he might recognize me, and I'm not ready to answer his questions. Hell, I can't even answer all of your questions yet, much less his. I have to do this on my terms, Shawn. I've buried my past for almost fifteen years, all aspects of my past. And I have to excavate it on my terms, when I'm ready. My terms. Not yours. Not Zechs," Talia answered, folding her arms over her chest. She was fully prepared for an argument. . .they always argued about her past.  
  
This time, however, Shawn didn't rise to the bait. He studied her face for several moments, then nodded. He murmured, "I understand. Well. According t' my calculations, we'll be at L2 in about thirty-six hours." Talia looked up from her email to Olga and smiled impishly. Shawn asked, drawing the word as he was wont to do when he was feeling mischievous, "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?"  
  
"You forget. I know you. One other thing. Zechs isn't ready for Howard to know he's alive. And Ciara is incapable of keeping something like this a secret. My suggestion. . .if Howard is on L2, and he does want to meet up, Ciara remains at the house with Zechs. He's still recovering, but I think he can handle anything she throws at him. Ciara's hormones are awakening, but she wouldn't do anything stupid," Talia said.  
  
"Don't say things like that. Ciara's only twelve, just a little girl," Shawn answered, shuddering. Talia just chuckled and hit send. As she did, her inbox began blinking. It couldn't be. Not already. However, she double-clicked on the inbox, and sure enough, Howard already responded to her email.  
  
"Tal and Shawn," she read aloud, interrupting her conversation with her husband, "I won't be on L2 for a while. They're still getting things cleaned up on earth, and I'll be busy for the next month. Would have loved to see you. . .got a lot to tell you. Understand about dodging Oz and White Fang. We all did that. Take care, Howard. PS. Tal, if Ciara was devastated by the final battle, tell her that someone who knows Zechs doesn't believe he's really dead."  
  
"Well, that's one thin' we don't have t' worry about, athough now I feel like a shit for keepin' this from him," Shawn observed and Talia bobbed her head, sighing. She felt the same. Shawn continued, "That also means that we don't have t' leave Talia alone wi' Zechs." Talia raised her brows at him, and he continued, "Hey, I saw her kissing him earlier, and he wasn't exactly fighting her off!"  
  
"Shawn, she took him by surprise! Zechs doesn't. . .he doesn't see himself as attractive. And for Ciara to have a crush on him, that's not something he understands. . .or knows how to handle. So, we'll be at the colony in another day?" Talia asked and Shawn nodded. The young woman said, "All right, then. We'll do this. Say, we'll stay two weeks. That should be enough time to get rid of our excess inventory and recharge our batteries. What then?"  
  
"After we buy a new ship. . .preferably bigger, but one which isn't mammoth? I'm not sure. What were you thinking about, Tal? Going back t' earth? NOT a good idea," Shawn said and Talia glared at him. He raised both hands and said, "Just asking." Talia, remembering Zechs earlier, stuck her tongue out. Shawn's eyes widened, then he began laughing. Talia grinned impishly. He was sooo predictable sometimes.  
  
"No," she said more seriously, "that's why I asked you. Because I have no ideas, either. So. . .take each day as it comes?" Shawn hesitated, then nodded. Neither of them particularly liked not having a plan, but that was, in part, what their vacation was for. A time when they could see what their options were.  
  
. . .  
  
"Zechs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wake up, Zechs, we're there, we're there, Daddy's docking the ship now and Mom says you gotta go see her!" Ciara squealed excitedly. Zechs moaned, rubbing his hand over his eyes as the girl bounded into his cabin. She was already dressed, her sandy hair hanging in a French braid down her back.  
  
Slowly, the girl's words began to make sense to him. Docking. They reached the colony, a day sooner than Talia anticipated. //Then again,// he thought groggily as he sat up, //she said herself that Shawn likes to fly fast. Too bad I didn't know him a year ago. I would have liked to have served with him when we took over the Alliance.//  
  
After a moment, he realized what he was thinking and blanched. However, he said none of what troubled him, and instead asked, "Your mother is in her cabin?" Ciara nodded and Zechs pushed himself out of bed, cringing from the pain in his side. He put his hand against the wall, steadying himself. Damn. Ciara left her position beside the door and walked to his side, putting a gentle arm around his waist to stabilize him.  
  
"Yeah. She said she figured out a way to disguise you," Ciara explained, and now Zechs remembered his conversation with Talia a few days earlier. Ciara continued, "You need to get dressed first, Zechs. Daddy sent me in with some clothes. That's something else we need to do, is get you some new clothes. You're too tall to wear Daddy's clothes. Mom says we'll do that on our second day here."  
  
"Oh you mean I can't go out in just a pair of shorts and a t-shirt?" Zechs teased and Ciara crossed her eyes at him. Zechs laughed, then grimaced in pain. Dammit, he would really have to stop doing that. Ciara giggled, and Zechs gave her a mock glare, asking, "Oh, you think that's funny, do you?" Ciara just giggled again.  
  
"I know it is! You're funny, when you're not so serious all the time," the girl returned. Zechs just rolled his eyes and Ciara rocked up onto her heels, this time kissing his cheek. She said, "I gotta go help Daddy. Get dressed, Zechs. Mom says we're not leaving the shuttle until you're ready to go. And, she told me to give you a message. She says she's keeping her pinkie promise not to cut your hair." Ciara frowned, as if she didn't know what her mother meant.  
  
Zechs never doubted that Talia would keep her promise. He nodded in acknowledgement, and Ciara grinned. The girl bounded from the room, and Zechs began dressing. He was wearing Shawn's clothes for the last few weeks when he left his cabin for whatever reason. Shawn was a bit shorter than he was, but the jeans were usually close enough for comfort.  
  
Actually, Talia explained once, a lot of the clothes which they gave to Zechs until they could get proper attire, belonged to a friend of theirs who was killed in the Eve Wars. When Zechs asked his name, Talia refused to give it, or which side he fought on. Said it didn't matter. However, she did relent enough to tell him that he died before Zechs joined up with White Fang. Which, he believed, was supposed to make him feel better.  
  
It was still strange, but it was only for a while. Always slender, Zechs lost weight as well as muscle tone since the final confrontation with Heero Yuy. Ciara told him once that his face was softer than it was while he was in the White Fang, and now he saw what she meant. With another grimace of pain, he moved from his cabin and walked down the corridor to Talia's. He gently knocked on the door, and she beckoned him to enter. She added as he slipped into the cabin, "I knew it would take you a few minutes to dress. How are your ribs?"  
  
"They hurt, but I'll deal with it. What's this brilliant idea of yours?" Zechs asked and Talia motioned him to sit down beside her on her bed. He did as he was bid, and felt her take his hair in her hands. As she began her work. . .whatever she was doing. . .he looked around her room. There was none of her personality. It seemed. . .not cold. But distant. Impersonal. He asked, "What exactly are you doing?"  
  
"When I first arrived on L2, almost fifteen years ago, I knew a woman who was a friend of Elene's. She was a hairstylist when she was on Earth, and she taught me a few tricks. I'm shortening your hair, without cutting it. I put one of my bands on the last two inches of your hair. Next, I'll braid that section, and put another band on it. And then, I'll. . . well, never mind. I'll explain once I'm finished. It's not complicated, just hard to explain," Talia answered.  
  
With that said, the young woman started her work. Damn his hormones! Zechs took a deep breath, released it, closed his eyes. //Keep it together, Merquise,// he told himself. After about ten minutes, Talia said in shock, "I'll be damned. It actually worked! Here, take a look. I tucked the braid under and fastened it to the rest of your hair, adding a third band so it would hold." Zechs opened his eyes. He took the mirror she offered and blinked. She added, "As long as no one looks too closely, it should work. And to complete the disguise. . .here."  
  
She took the mirror from him and placed a baseball cap on his head, tugging the bill low. To keep his own sanity, Zechs kept his eyes low. She smelled nice. Zechs almost laughed at himself. . .what was he doing, thinking about a woman's scent? He asked, as casually as he could under the circumstances, "Do you use scented shampooo?"  
  
"Uh-huh. . .one of the few non-essentials I allow myself. Why? Did it smell like I was wearing lilac perfume? There. Mmm. I'm missing something, what is it?" Talia mumbled as she tumbled off her bed and rambled around the room. He couldn't understand what she was saying. . .he didn't think she was even speaking in a language which he understood. He thought he caught a word here and there, but. . .it made no sense.  
  
Zechs said not a word, watching her roam. She was muttering under her breath, and Zechs didn't understand a word she was saying. He leaned back against the bed, now able to breathe. He didn't know why her proximity continued to affect him the way it did, but he was becoming rather annoyed with it. He was Zechs Merquise, or Milliardo Peacecraft, but either way, he didn't allow himself to have such strong feelings for a married woman.  
  
At last, she straightened and turned to face him, sighing, "Okay, your current disguise will do. Try not to talk, Z. You have a very distinctive voice. I'm afraid it would give you away. It's night, so there shouldn't be many people in the area, but. . .just be careful." Zechs nodded, though he was never told that his voice was distinctive. The distracted woman added, "Okay. I gotta grab my bags, and I'll join you and the others in the cargo bay. Five minutes?"  
  
"Of course," Zechs replied and pushed himself up from her bed. He stopped at the door, and turned. He asked, "Talia?" She turned to face him, almost falling on *her* face as she tried to put on the left shoe of her hiking boots. Zechs winced, but asked, "You've called me that twice now. Z. What. . .?"  
  
"Z? Oh. Yeah. Uhm. . .well, it's just something I do sometimes. Call someone by their first initial, and I can't very well call you 'M' now can I? That's something out of a James Bond movie. And 'Z' is kinda....I don't know. . .it suits you somehow. Flyboy. Now go, so I can fall on my face without humiliating myself," Talia said.  
  
Zechs grinned and left the room. Behind him, he could still hear her muttering under her breath. He didn't know what was about to happen, but he was certain things were about to get even more interesting. There were still some things which could surprise him. Not many. In his twenty years, he saw and experienced some incredible things. Some terrifying, some anguished. But he had the sense now that a whole new chapter of his life was about to begin.  
  
. . .  
  
The space port was almost empty. It took the Malloy family and Zechs less than twenty minutes to disembark, clear customs, and head for the house. The customs agent was half asleep, it seemed, and waved them through with a cursory look. Didn't even ask to see Zechs' ID, but he hadn't asked to see Ciara's, either.  
  
By the time they were all in the van which Shawn requested when they contacted the space port, Ciara was nodding off, her head resting against Zechs' shoulder. Talia bit back a smile and turned her attention back to the road. Shawn was driving, but she often navigated for him. He was an excellent pilot, but get him behind the wheel of a car, and he could get lost in less than fifteen minutes. It was something she always teased him about. As had Elene.  
  
Talia turned her thoughts away from the past. She received an email from Olga, stating that she gotten everything set up, as Talia requested. And, all of the old pictures were put away. Talia was grateful to the old Russian woman. Olga never let her down. And, she knew Talia's real name. The young woman sighed, remembering herself at sixteen. Slightly gawky, still growing into her body. A happy young girl, for the most part. Somewhat moody. The great sunshine of her life was her young brother. Petyr. She smiled faintly, remembering how he would run into the Great Hall of their manor, screaming, "Natasha, Natasha, you're home!"  
  
Natasha, Natasha, Natasha. It didn't matter what he was doing or saying, Petyr could never be satisfied with saying her name just once. He was an exuberant little boy, a little ray of sunshine to everyone he knew. It was no wonder her parents never forgave her for allowing him to die. And he was such a contrast to the solemn little prince Milliardo. Talia laughed to herself, even as she fought back tears, as she remembered her brother's attempts at 'Milliardo.'  
  
Queen Katerina stepped in, telling little Petyr that her special name for her first-born, her only son, was 'Julian.' His middle name. That was much easier for Petyr to say. And by the end of their second day in the Sank Kingdom, those in the palace heard Petyr shouting, 'Julian, Julian, Julian' almost as often as they heard him shouting, 'Natasha, Natasha, Natasha.' Natasha. A name she had not heard in thirteen years. Not since leaving Earth behind, and with it, a lifetime of sorrow. But you could never truly leave your ghosts behind. Ready or not, they used to call when they were children, ready or not, here I come. Such was the case with the past.  
  
Really, with anyone's past. There was no going back. . .and no forgetting. Talia sighed. She was exhausted. That was the only possible reason for this line of thought. When she was tired, she got sentimental and syrupy. Yes, that had to be it. She was tired, that's why she was thinking like that. Even so, knowing its name, took away none of its power. None of Talia's fear.  
  
She had a terrible feeling that by rescuing Zechs, she would find herself confronting her own past head on. Every ugly moment of the twenty- four hours when the Sank Kingdom came under attack. Every moment before she fled to space, away from the silent condemnation of her parents. She tried to turn away from it once again, whispering under her breath as they neared the house, "Rest in peace, violated and shattered Natasha Galinova." (1)  
  
But she knew better. Her time of reckoning was coming. The time when all the secrets would be out in the open, the time when she would be forced to reconcile Natasha Galinova and Natalia Malloy. Talia looked over her shoulder into the backseat. Zechs was asleep, his cheek resting against Ciara's hair. The woman wondered if she would find that self- reconciliation as difficult as he had. Only time would tell.  
  
1. . .this is a direct parallel to Zechs' comment in (I think) Portrait of a Shattered Kingdom, after he kills the Alliance officer responsible for the deaths of his parents. 


End file.
